Sunday, February 8, 2009

Hiroshima... (about the atomic explosion museum)

--First let me begin with the explanation of the museum we went to on the first day of our visit to Hiroshima. The Nuclear Explosion Dome Museum it's direct Japanese translation is located in the middle of a large park (the Peace Park) erected in the memory of that fateful day. A mere 50 yen (RM 2) is charged as an entrance fee. Upon entering the first part of the museum, a 3 minute video introduction is played. A rough idea on what happened in Hiroshima is explained to those who are not familiar with the incident. Pre-world war 2 posters are hung in a gallery form explaining the beginning of the Pacific war (including the invasion of Manchuria and Russia). Then history and creation of the atomic bomb is shown in these posters too. The reasons why Hiroshima was chosen as the target for the bomb is also explained in minute detail through letters sent and received by generals and presidents. A scale model of before and after the bombing is what follows next. After this you continue to the second floor where a recorded of Hiroshima's city history chronologically is written down. This is followed about the present situation of the world and countries still possessing nuclear weapons and efforts to stop nuclear warfare. As you try to absorb in the enormous amount of information you have been feed, you have a chance for a breather when you look at the souvenirs and pass through a sky bridge with breath-taking views of the park be low which connects the two parts of the museum together. The last part of this museum, the more gruesome part is the story of the victims and things left behind by these people.
--The first thing I realized when i entered this museum is that I knew a lot about what happened and I wanted to deepen my knowledge in what happen during that time. The first thing that caught my attention was the fact why Kyoto was not chosen as a site for the bombing, because it was to serve as the post-war capital for Japan according to American forecasts. I always thought that Hiroshima and Nagasaki was chosen because of the military facilities or power plants located in the area, but the truth is I was very wrong, Hiroshima was chosen based on its size and population as key properties. The atomic bomb, to the Americans at the time was to be used as a means to justify research costs and be shown to the world as a destructive force. Therefore, we could say that Hiroshima was more of a place to display the power of the atomic bomb at it's max capacity. The part that made me sad was the part where Hiroshima was never air-raided to lower the guard of the Hiroshima town's people. It was saddening that when the bomb exploded the air-raid sirens had just stopped signaling to people that it was safe to go out. The time, 815 am, was the worst time to be possibly chosen since, it was the commuting time for most people.
--The bomb exploded 600 meters above ground, instantaneously creating a massive fireball the melted even stones. To think that pouring hot water on yourself, 100 degrees Celsius is unimaginable, imagine 2000 degrees rock melting temperatures, you literally melt and disappear. A 3 kilometer radius of the fireball was reduced to nothing. 90% of buildings collapsed and crushed or trapped people inside. The shock-wave created sent glass in every direction, concrete walls where penetrated with glass, imagine what it could do to people. The infamous shadows are left where people stood because the rocks (concrete) turned white when contacted with direct heat but when humans or animals were around, their bodies shield the rock from heat thus leaving a shadow. On the second floor where most Japanese people cried, was the fate of those who suffered the effects of nuclear fallout, or better known as radiation, listed in the chronological events list. The Americans studied these people to find out the long term effects of radiation without treating them for any illnesses, until this day though, there is no concrete result to show what exactly happens to those victims. The Japanese government started to pay for the cost of treatment for these people (the official atomic bomb radiation victims only), to me, a small burden lifted of the shoulders of the suffering people. In the following section, a lot of interesting facts of talk on how to abolish nuclear weapons and hindrances faced. America again, is the top of the list with most nuclear weapons, and with all talks of banning nuclear testing, sub-critical nuclear bombs are still being tested and countries like America and Russia who hold enough information on nuclear explosions can find the answers they need from these sub-critical explosions based on the data they already have from previous nuclear explosions. So, inadvertently there is nothing being done now, or able to be done against the stock piling of nuclear armaments. I feel it funny though, that we can still sleep at night not knowing if a rain of nuclear missiles are going to fall from the sky onto us.
--In the last part of this museum, the untold story of many victims are held in the item that once used to be theirs. Clothes, mostly of school children lay in this museum. Lunch boxes, watches, shirts, pants, and all kinds of things were left behind. Most people in this section ignore the stories written down and ignore the black marks and darkened blood on these clothes. One story read about how a girl died in the clothes she sewed herself, a summer uniform, what she had been looking forward to, to run around and play in her clothes, yet... Most children according to the stories died at their parents side. Something that makes me cry even right now, to watch your own child die, is worse then having your skin ripped from you alive. One father whose 3 year-old son died while riding his tricycle, was so grieve-stricken that he refused to bury his son alone, he buried his son's tricycle and helmet with him, saying that he is too young to be without it. My heart has never been broken into so many pieces before, all my words cannot explain the grief i felt when i read about this father.
--There are countless other stories, many which will be left untold for a long long time to come and remain buried in a lost history. I would like to reiterate the fact that in no war there is right, and therefore, there is also no wrong. During war, people do what is needed best to benefit the country that they live in. To me, the atomic bomb was the sign of the end of the war. People may blame Russia, or America for the fate of Japan, but truth be known that if the Axis had that power (people should realize that Germany was also in development of nuclear arms at that time), they would have used it too. In no ways am I saying that I'm not disgusted by the choices made during that time, and in no way am I trying to justify anyone, we should realize the fact that, when war breaks out, everyone will only stand for themselves, and we should respect to a certain extent, the choices made by those people back then, because trust me that it was hard for them too. We should realize the atrocities of war, the fate of people who suffered and die in the worst conditions we can imagine. One family, a sister and a brother (in their 20s) rummaged through the remains of the house where 3 cousins, their grandparents, aunt, and mother was in during the explosion, the house close to the epicenter of the blast, was almost vaporized. Yet they found a small ceramic bowl which they used to eat with when they were young, their grandchild donated the bowl to the museum. Most people would be sadden by the fact of their loss, but look deeper and you'd find the hope they found in that bowl, the house was totally destroyed yet, the bowl was untouched, and their grandson is still alive, which means they fought to live on, from the rubles of a city and from the rubles of hearts, they, all the citizens of Hiroshima built a new world from dust.

for in our hearts,
lies a shrine indestructible,
the strength called hope,

for in our hearts,
lies a light unending,
the power called love,

for in our hearts,
lies a place serenely,
a place called home,

for in every heart,
hope gives us power,
love gives us warmth,
thus from ashes we can rise again...

horrors we never want to see again
marks seared onto skin based on clothes designs...
the story of a tricycle...
not everything is so bad...

Like a famous writer once wrote in the memory books 'less talk more action...'

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Thinking of you...

looking back every time,
i see you there,
you were always there,
in my darkest hours,
in my brightest days,
always with a smile,
never frowning at me,
my every simple whim,
was happiness to you,
i miss you so,
and i realize now,
the depth of love,
cause my love is,
forever and ever now,
i know now that,
you are my everything,
and there is nothing,
in this small world,
i'd exchange you with...

thinking of you...

thinking of you here,
calamity in my calmness,
terror in my tranquility,
sickness in my soul...
all this means nothing,
for cure is you,
and you are here,
always in my heart...
nothing is more important,
than your warm hands,
than you soothing words,
than your smiling face...

you are my family and my friends, i miss you all, and i can't wait to see you all again in malaysia, hope this one month flies by, so i can be with you all again.
dedicated to my mother, i know it stinks >.< since i wrote it spontaneously, but i got my feelings out, so i don't care... hehehe

Thursday, January 22, 2009

emotion...

wait!!! before you read this, i'm gonna warn you that is totally crap and you will not like it if you are not an emotional type of person... please read only if you have time to waste...

you've been warned...


ever felt like you give yourself away in parts? i don't know if anyone realizes it yet, but i often make presents and write poems with the power i have, often spending hours and hours, i know it often looks and sounds childish, but no one has ever asked me why i do it still... the truth is i feel like i'm giving a part of myself away, and i feel when a person who loves me comes along, she'd realize it too and love me back... i've gone over this process a million times, giving every girl i liked (even if just a bit...) a present of some kind... but so far, seriously no one understood it's significance, until now that is. a girl gave me back a postcard with her drawing on it, and a shy letter (considering the fact she is a tomboy-type girl). and for once in my life my heart started to race, and i felt happy, i felt that i could relate to her feelings and she could mine...
but just when things started to go my way, i backed away, i felt lacking, i felt that i wasn't good enough, she wasn't the prettiest girl with the pettiest wishes but... i don't know, i just let her go. and i realized all my life i've been like this, i try my best not to get close to the people i love, cause i know, that when you are close enough, you are close enough to hurt them. i knew that for a fact when i got tangled with a girl last year, i won't lie and say i don't miss her at all, but i hope she is happy without me. the reason i've been able to let go is because the other people around me treasure me and take too good care of me, my family especially. i know no matter what happens to me, i'll always have a home to go back to, no matter the circumstances, and i've become a person that wants to care too, because everyone seems to take care of me, and i'm too afraid of hurting anybody anymore.
i rather she hate me now than love me, cause i know my love is lacking right now, i hope she does well. i hope i can always be her friend because i'd hate to lose her more than anything else right now,i know i sound stupid and most people are going to say, just tell her, what's the worst thing that could happen, well the worst thing that can happen is that we both could lose our friendship, which i rather not lose than confess my dumb feelings to her. seriously, anyhow, i'd find it hard for anyone let alone a japanese girl to every like me.
well, that's the end of the 'sad part'.
i know i tend to think too much, and i know that most people's advice is not to worry too much. the thing is i'm not worried at all, maybe not at all, but mostly i'm not worried. i don't mind being a little lonely at times, and to me, giving a bit of my happiness away is giving it to someone else to enjoy, which i still think is a good bargain. for this girl, she is going to work once she graduates from here, i actually think she should continue with her degree, but i don't know enough about her to ever be able to convince her that, that is my only regret since she is kind of smart to me. thinking of her smile and remembering how she laughs is a kind of relaxant to me, it makes me feel calm knowing that she is happy right now (remember i still don't believe that there is a person in this world that will like me for who i am). seeing her postcard, makes me realize that, it ain't to bad to be me and make others happy. and thanks to her, for now, i can still go on being me...

and to those people who read until here who are confused and don't understand anything that i said... i warned you... hahaha...

i love her handwriting, and could admire it for hours...
her picture, it may look stupid to most people, but to me, it depicts her perfectly

Saturday, January 17, 2009

a year ends...

i was wanting to post this for so many weeks already, put never had the time nor heart to write it...
in one short year i feel i've grown so much that most people wouldn't recognize me anymore. i know i sound like i'm exaggerating but it's true, i found, lost then fond love again. i've come to know what existences are, what friends are for, what life is about. all my life i've tried to sacrifice myself so others can live happily, but in the last year, i learned that some people just want to see you die so they can live. i'm not proud to say it, but i learned how to be a bit more selfish. for once in my life, i really feel like living just for the fun of living. when i sit down now, i don't need to think much anymore, cause i know a lot more already.
to me, this year is my year of destiny, my time to change and move past the cocoon i was in and become a butterfly. this year, i'll be able to accept myself for who i am, and not what i'm supposed to be... since some people were complaining about how much words there are on this blog, i'll try to minimize it...i found new friends and people who love me for who i am, and i know they're missing me even right now, cause i miss them...i left my dear friends and family behind to start a new life, far from where and what i was, and full of uncertainty...my seniors weren't my seniors, they are more like my brothers and sisters, and i'm so blessed to have them here with me, wan ying, sii lee, wei jian, chiang shen and all, i really love you all... and thanks for everything and all things to come...met my old friends and felt their importance to me... found new ways to waste money...started to realize i still can have fun even though there were things in my past that can't be corrected...
found people who i like and like me for being me...saw snow for the first time...
.
.
.
.
.
like a wild flower, sometimes there are weeds around us that we can't do anything about, but we still bloom, for because only we know and can show others how beautiful we are...
let's have a great new year to come... wish peace will come, cause like the saying goes, the night is darkest just before dawn, let us pray that evil will die from our hearts and our Gods gives us peace... live and let live...

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

hmm... what have i been up to?

most of my readers would have already abandoned me... sorry la... malas want to update la got nothing to talk about also...
well mostly is wasting my money... *sigh* don't know when i'll be able to save money hahaha... i got my hair done into corn rows... when i got time i'll post the pictures up for you all to see, the thing about this hairstyle is, it hurts, it itches, it gets in the way, but it's cool. i couldn't stand it and i took it out today, because the fact that my scalp was itching like mad was like it was giving me a signal, 'if you don't take it off, we are going to come off...' hahaha, i learned my lesson and i'm not ever going to waste my money and do something so wild again. but it was fun for when it lasted. going to head to osaka now, going to spend Christmas in USJ. and before i forget,

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

well, i'm still all alone... not! hahaha, Mr. Hii and Mr. Wong will be accompanying me, so i guess it won't be too bad cause i got this two great 'brothers' to take care of me. you know, i seem to be falling in love with a girl again, but the thing that is different about this time is, i can't exactly put my finger on it, but i feel so happy just looking at her smile, and for the first time in my life, i can accept her as a friend rather than ignore her and do all kinds of childish stuff... guess i'm growing up already... hahaha, not planning on chasing her, but i really hope she starts chasing me, but can't expect much from a Japanese chick can i?
after osaka, we are going to go to nagaoka for our ski trip. so i won't be here for another two weeks.

anyways i got this email, about the economy in Zimbabwe which i think is funny and at the same time saddening, well, think for yourselves...

header of email...


What the real crisis is like!
If you think that the current economic crisis is something that has never happened in history before, you may be wrong! After the collapse of the agriculture sector in Zimbabwe in 2000, the inflation in that country skyrocketed to 231 million percent a year! Just think about it - 231 000 000%! Unemployment went up to 80% and a third of country's population left it.

What can you buy with it? Well, these 3 eggs for example.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

is what we have with us never enough?

some people say, if only i had this...
i feel kind of worried when i read the 'papers' (the online version) these days. well, with all kind of political stuff that i can barely comprehend happening i wonder if people stop to ever smell the flowers by the roadside. in our community nowadays, people tend to have tunnel vision, you know what is tunnel vision? tunnel vision is a saying used in horse racing where the horse has restricted vision and can only see what is front of it, by not being able to see what there is on both sides, the horse has only one goal, forward. nowadays people fix eye covers so that their horses have tunnel vision too. get the idea? we ain't horses... when we move too fast, we start forgetting, we start forgetting what is important.
truly i believe people nowadays would rather save a tonne of money then spend it with friends and family. i wonder if money is taking over us, all we see nowadays is money, and i feel stupid when i do the same too. i'm not implying that i'm greater than anyone, but i'm asking you to realize that, we are losing our values, ourselves. just a few weeks back, someone told me thank you, and i smiled and said it's nothing. but she stared back at me and said, ‘優しくしてくれて、ありがとう...’or thanks for caring about me. all i did was cook her dinner, since she always only eats rice balls everyday, i thought making her dinner one day would make her happy and i made her some simple fried rice, her smile i will never forget, because her smile was one of gratefulness, and i ask you, have you seen that recently? people seem to move too fast around me, why doesn't anyone want to just look up at the stars and wonder which one is bigger, why doesn't anyone want to just scream out into the sea and laugh out loud? why doesn't anyone want to realize that the best joy you can find in life is finding that hidden happiness in people's eyes?
maybe i'm just mad and i'm stupid, but that makes me me, i want to live my life without believing the lies people tell me, i don't want to be bound to the ground and drag the chains that shackle me... i want to be the way i am, free... what i have to me is enough, an almost clear conscience, so before you think of saving the world, save yourself first...
peace la... just wanted to write out my thoughts... hehehe

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Another boring day...?

hmm... nothing much happened today... just another ordinary day... nothing interesting to talk about... just like so many days have passed here... i call it boredom... went to the 'beach' by myself... i call it beach cause there is a little bit of sand, but others call it i don't know what... started throwing rocks into the sea. matched my own record and bounced one 6 times. many people don't know how to make a rock 'jump' on water... i remember when my dad taught me that, if i'm not mistaken when i was around 6 or 7 years old. he took a rock and flung it into the water yet it didn't sink it jumped... at that time, i as so amazed and tried to do it eagerly... i remember picking up a rock and throwing it and it sank immediately with a big 'plop' sound. and i remember staring at my dad, with my 'why' written all over my face, i remember at that time i was kinda fat, not kinda i guess, just really fat, and people used to pinch my cheeks and say how cute i was... (good memories good memories...) my dad looked at me and said, 'find a flat rock, and throw it as close to the surface as you can...' with a few nods, i tried again and again under my dad's watch. and when i finally did manage to make it jump twice, i was so happy... life then seems so much like a distant memory. throwing rocks nowadays makes me think of physics, of how when the diagonal movement of the rock and a large surface area makes the rock seem to jump because it could not overcome the surface tension of water. yes, there is a stupid badly drawn diagram of how it happens in my head now. but it ain't all that bad, when i first jumped the rock twice, i was so happy and i remember my dad smile too. we weren't always the luckiest family back then and i remember how hard my parents tried to make us happy with whatever little we had. my mom never failed to cook and feed me a meal i loved everyday even though it was so much trouble to her (till today, i still love the way she smiles when she feeds me), cleaned my clothes and did so much that it is hard for me to mention. my dad, i remember he used to work so much yet he always made time for my sister, my brother and i when he came back no matter how tired he was. i even remember a time when he photocopied a book on origami and kept the 3 of us occupied for what i guess was a month. i use to wait for him to come back to show him my badly folded planes and all. i don't know why, but i'm glad that i have my parents, and i often wonder why people say things like 'if i was born into a richer family' in awe and honesty, because to me, i will only be me, when i have my parents and my 3 siblings with me. one last thing, i read somewhere today that the greatest blessing for parents is a child, i disagree...
'my greatest blessing is my parents...'
i miss you all a lot, and i love you all a lot...