Maybe everything is meant to be broken but...

Seriously this is one of my all time favourite movies and the song is one of my favourite songs. at times, i wish that i could be Nicholas Cage and say those words that he said, and well, be loved and love like there was nothing else that mattered in this world... i have always believed that the first time had to always go right, but i finally figured out i was wrong, and that they are always second chances in life even though you screw up badly the first time, someone once told me something very simple, and it's one of my principles in life now, might sound stupid but,

You only lose when you give up... anything is possible, nothing is impossible...

CITY OF ANGELS - IRIS - GOO GOO DOLLS

One day of my life...

today is showa day... to people who don't understand what that means (like me also...) it translates to a holiday... well i'd like to share with everyone 1 very typical day i have here when i have no class.
activity 1
waking up...
i wake up by saying hi to mr. tiger, i won him at the UFO catcher machine in the supermarket with one try... so he is my lucky charm...
activity 2
since i wake up quite late, around 10am, i prepare brunch right away...
today i prepared my special 'murtabak like chicken' for my tutor, well actually he isn't, (my tutor was at a baseball match) but he pretty much takes care of me also... so i thought i'd return the favour... as you can see on his face, it tasted good... hehehe
i ate spinach fried with chillies and some sausages. sounds sad but it tasted good and well i just didn't have enough time...
activity 3
today is the inter-hostel-mates badminton and volleyball competition. volleyball was held early but i didn't take part so it doesn't matter...
say hello to my 23000 yen racket (RM750) hehehe...
i took part in our badminton competition, along with a few other foreign students and one japanese guy. well...there was around 15 teams consisting of 6 people in each team... we weren't much of wining team material... our team name... was... 僕らはマレーシアから、時々ヴィエトナム（we're from malaysia sometimes vietnam) we had 4 malaysians, 1 vietnam guy and 1 japanese guy on our team...this was the only picture i took when i was playing cause i was too busy trying to 'focus', well these two girls stole my focus away though muhahaha...
even though we were the black sheep... (baa baa baa...) we managed to get 2nd place which i consider a great great achievement... we won three 100 yen tickets to use in the school's shop (koperasi)...
but the best part was... i had fun... i made a lot of new friends... i'm being called ero-kawaii... which means flirty(?) and cute... hehehe... i'm making quite a name for myself...
our team, the six of us... the vietnam guy is squating (far right), his tutor, the guy how's shoulder i'm holding...
these are my seniors (who are one year younger than me... sob sob...) they said i have a cute smile... -.-"
these are some of badminton club members and some of my friends... hehehe...

the best part of today was buying my bento (box lunch) and eating it at the small harbour nearby while watching the sunset... taking everything in, and thanking god that i'm having a good time... i hope i can forget the remainder of my sorrowful love life and all those bad memories i once had from now on... it's time to move on right?

one more week gone by...

well well... one more week has gone by... i've been trying my best to get along with everybody... but they still treat me like an outsider... it's not like they don't talk to me or anything... but it's just that they still treat me as an outsider... it's not bad or anything, it's just that they are only three types of people around me, with the exception of my tutors and the other foreign students.

type a - the overly friendly and helpful type...
Me: yo...
A: gane... good morning.
Me: good morning.
A: how was badminton pratice?
Me: it was ok...
A: how's the weather?
Me: it's...
A: if anything is wrong you can always come to me...
Me: err...
A: don't worry... everything will be fine, earthquakes won't happen here...
Me: i didn't ask about earthquakes...
A: (talking to self) but sometimes there is strong winds and hurricanes...
Me: i think i'll be leaving now...
A: (continues talking to self) bla bla bla...

type b - the overly shy type
Day 1
Me: good morning...
B: (runs away)
Day 2
Me: Ah... how are you doing?
B: (looks at me with teary puppy dog eyes)
Me: i'm sorry, i swear i won't ask you how you are doing again!
B: (runs away)
Day 3
Me: good morning?
B: (shyly and quietly) good morning...
Me: wow, you finally talked to me...
B: (runs away)
Me: GOD help me...

type c - the cool type
Day 1
Me: good morning
C: youss...
Day 2
Me: hey what happened...
C: (cuts me halfway) YOUSS...
Day 3
Me: good...
C: (cuts me again) Youss...
Me: can't you say anything other than youss?
C: (shakes head) youss...

(stories may have been overly exaggerated for the fact that the writer is too free and is able to think of too much nonsense...)

hahaha, but at least i can see some of them turning around, the juniors finally accept that i'm their senior and greet me normally without the fearful look like i'm going to kill them anymore... the girls don't look at the floor when they walk by me anymore, they either greet me or smile at me... so it's not so bad anymore... well there still are a few people who fail to acknowledge i'm a living creature, but i guess asking everyone to treat me as a human seems impossible at the moment... but obviously... every 'gaijin' (outsider) seems unique here cause it's a far away place with not much foreigners around. so it's obvious they are going to need more than just the 3 weeks that has passed. maybe after around 3 months they'll get around...
and today... i hurt my leg (calf strain i guess) while jogging... and tomorrow is our 50m sprint test... die... hehehehe.... oh... and i nearly got hit by a baseball...

Finally... internet in my room...

Two weeks have gone by since school started. Met a lot of new people, joined the badminton society, did badly in my physical test, become shorter and fatter... Hahaha... but surprisingly enough, i'm fitting in quiet well, the people here are quiet like malaysians and they are extremely kind. As usual though they are always the hard part about doing official stuff like getting bank accounts and all kinds of stuff done, i'm halfway through that and i feel like a royal idiot cause this place is so different from kl... at a few times i felt like giving up, and going back home to my mom, but the fact is, i am here cause i want to make her and everybody else proud. it feels like years have passed by since my bestest of best friends left me at the airport and waved goodbye at me, i miss them dearly... i hope they read this often... (ya, sorry for not updating for 2 weeks+)
Classes are quiet though since the other students already studied the 'special' subjects for 2 years already... other than that, i'm doing quiet well, i'm quiet popular in school because, supposedly i'm huge! my nickname here would probably be 'DEKKAI' which means monstorous... i don't quiet like it, but at least some of the girls like me (ahem ahem cough cough)... as usual, there also are the pretty boys and pretty girls which i don't think i'd be able to communicate with them, so those people who i promised catalogs to have to wait... hahaha...
My tutor is a baseball players and always busy with practice but he actually takes time to help me to my stuff and is actually genuinely concern about me, so i like him. in the badminton club, the training is from monday to sunday, yup you heard me right, it's everyday... i'm trying to go everyday but it's really tough, luckly the seniors like me, so they let me slide most of the time... hehehe, the best part of being a foreigner is that i guess, people pity you... some more i look cute right, that's why i think they love me so much!

this is where i've been jogging recently

the best part of this place it the scenery i guess...

i look cool right...

Danger, waves!

A special type of sushi available only in few places like Gobo! Cheese melted onto half cooked fish!

thanks to this guy, we got to eat home made tako yaki(fried octopus balls)! thanks Teo senpai!


Our seniors and us at a sushi house after bowling...

I'm there...

Well i arrived a lot earlier, but i didn't have any internet connection to go online. Everyone don't worry. I'm using my seniors line to online now but I'll be hooked up in the next one month i guess. I stayed in Shinagawa prince hotel upon my arrival and moved to Toko hotel during my 5 days in Tokyo. I've been here in wakayama for around 4 days today. I have to cook myself cause the hostel people are not in to cook. I also learnt that i have to cook every wekend unless i buy a special ticket for meals on sunday and saturday... my room was a nightmare... the senior before me who used my room was extremely dirty and therefore he left behind a roach infested fridge for me... hahaha... it was kind of funny to think that i ws so grossed out... don't worry don't worry... the school cleaner cleaned the fridge for me and mopped the floor for me. the rest of the cleaning i did and my room is quite clean now. seriously wakayama is far from what i thought it would be, but i realized that all my life i never have gotten what i wanted before, and therefore, i'm going to make the best of what i have here. so far the people here have been great to me and i'll repay them for their kindness in being what i've always been... the weather here is cold, around 7-10 degrees. the wind makes it even worst at times. but here in wakayama, the wind is always here, and it makes it kind of even worst. to all my friends who read this post, i'm sorry, really, i'm very sorry that i haven't contacted you all yet, but the thing is, i really don't have internet or a phone of my own yet. i really miss all of you all, i can't write all your names down i'm sorry, but i swear i really do miss all of you already. until i have more time to write again, love gane...

15 hours away...

Some of you all should know that i sang Leaving on a jet plane during our annual dinner...

All my bags aren't packed, I'm so not ready to go,
My dad is lonely, my mom is so sad,
and I hate to say my goodbyes...
Luggage is more than 20kgs,
Don't know if I should pay MAS more money,
and I don't know if I should bring that extra underwear!!!

So kiss me and smile for me,
tell me you all be alright,
cause I'm leaving on a MAS airplane,
don't know if I'll reach Japan at all....

Hahaha.... I'd write more if I had time but sadly... I barely have 15 hours left, my luggage is over packed by 5kgs, it translates to 350 ringgit in excess money to be paid to MAS... how can I pack my life into one single suitcase? That is what they are asking me to do... Anyways, I met with my old friend yesterday WNG... If you know her then you know, if not sorry lo... hahaha... She kept me company last night until 2am, and in the end she hugged me before I left. Now, everything seems so clear, but I don't know how to describe what I felt, it felt like all the uncertainty I had went away. She represented all my friends cause she was the last person I could actually sit down and talk to, one last casual meeting before I board a 6 hour flight, I felt my nervousness leave me. Today my mom hugged me, she said for me to take care of myself there.... And i guess I'm myself again... I'm ready to go to Japan, No Fear. I'm going to finish up my packing, eat my last home cooked meal, and rest on my bed for one more time before I go. And to everybody out there who has made me ready to go tomorrow and have taken care of me, I'd like you to imagine me singing this song to you all...

Dido: Thank You

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay,
my head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today,
I'm late for work again
And even if I'm there, they'll all imply
that I might not last the day
And then you call me and it's not so bad,
it's not so bad and

I want to thank you
for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you
is having the best day of my life

Push the door, I'm home at last
and I'm soaking through and through
Then you hand me a towel
and all I see is you
And even if my house falls down,
I wouldn't have a clue
Because you're near me and

I want to thank you
for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you
is having the best day of my life

Farewell my friends

Yesterday i went to Sunway and ate a buffet style steamboat with my old friends. Day before I went with another group of friends to Telok Gong in Klang for one hell of a nice seafood extravaganza... Regrettable but I don't have any pictures of the lunch in Klang. I had a grerat time on both days. Today is Tuesday and tomorrow is probably the last day I'll have in Malaysia before I go and probably yesterday was the last time I'll meet with any of my friends. My family and friends which i thought I'd never miss because I've been with them for so long that I know every mark and wrinkle on their face... But today I suddenly felt it, a long sharp pain in my chest that I may never get to see some of this people again. Those people who took me to a zoo, those people who played DOTA with me, I really might never get to see them again, feels so untrue yet real and it's stings my heart so badly. They might go overseas, they might start working, hell, by the end of 5 years they might even have gotten married without me knowing. Seriously, I know I'm thinking a little too far and crazily... It's just that I've begun to realize what a bunch of special friends I had through out my life. Once I got cheated by a girl and used until i was nearly at my wits end, they held me through, all of them, they made me smile they made me laugh. Never in my life I've ever felt the need to say thank you to these people who always stay by me, but through this painful experience I had, I realized that these people I called friends and who stay by me no matter how much crap I put them through, are really people that i truly should love and cherish, and I am beginning to do that nowadays. I really never thought that anyone would care for me when I leave to Japan, never knew that some people really felt sad that I was going away. That girl I one time loved, she doesn't even care if I die, but these friends of mine, they really do, and I just realized how stupid I have been. My relatives and all, I know that I'll be missed, and I will truly miss you all too. But this one post, I dedicate to my FRIENDS, thank you all, and I'm sorry if i ever done anything wrong to you all, like Thain Hock, I won't use VS to swap you anymore... Thanks you all, I'll do well there and make all of you proud of me!!!