just read somebody's blog and he wrote about mothers day and how one of his friend's mom just passed away recently. is it just me or do japanese not celebrate today? well, i have been doing a lot of thinking recently.
one of my thoughts, well is about my mom... i remember so well the times i relied on her for every single thing i needed. they (my family) sent me a few pictures of them and me together last year, so i wouldn't miss them. in one pic, i was sleeping on her lap, and she and i were both smiling. i really, clearly, crisply remember that feeling, the feeling that even when the world crumbles around me, they and she will always shield me. at that time, i was having a difficult break up with my girlfriend(?). and mom knew every inch of pain that i felt, and that made me stronger, for her i'll live and break through anything, that's what i always say to myself when i come to a high wall.
and for this past year, i feel like i'm reaching out but there is nothing to grasp or hold on to, because, she isn't here with me and neither are they. i think i've become more better looking, more intelligent and all, but, i still feel this gaping hole in my heart, that i've nothing. i have very little solace here except my seniors and juniors, which i really thank. i feel very empty these days, wonder if the people around me realize that... i miss my family too much i guess...
i've done a lot of growing in this past three years, change from a brat to a man, started viewing life differently. but like my mom always used to tell me when she was pampering me, 'no matter how much you grow up, you'll always be my little baby', guess that even though i ain't so little anymore, i'm still her baby...
at dawn,
wake to her smile,
listen to her chatter,
eat her love filled meal...
at dusk,
my hand she holds,
my way she guides,
always showing the right way,
if i had a world to trade,
i'll still have nothing to compare to your love,
but if i had a few words to give you,
i'd say i love you again and again...
my mom, i wonder when i can eat her food again, wonder when i can listen to her stories again, and i wonder when i can lay down on her lap again. and smile like everything is good, and nothing else matters, even if for just that few minutes...