A different me?

After like nearly 3 years I'm writing this post, wondering if anyone still remembers this place that I once thought would be the only living link between my friends and me. But I neglected, ignored everything because I felt that there were things bigger in this world than you or me. And on this lonely night where I find my self alone, finding for solace in lost memories and forgotten dreams, i feel more lost than a cloud in a storm.

This is going to go on and on, ramblings of a lost mind if you care to say. If you plan to read and understand these words of mind, you better have enough time.

It has been nearly two years since I last saw or even contacted any of my high school friends and other friends that I made along to the way to the place which I sit now. Most of them might even think I am dead, and I never will blame them, because it is my fault for cutting all our ties. I neither regret nor deny any of the accusations that fall and are to fall upon me.

It had been about three years ago when this nagging thought came into my mind, what if the world were to end, where would I stand? Between the towering feats of men of bygones and the catastrophes that are about to concur, will there be a future for those who desire it? I wanted to embark on a journey to find truth, to find the meaning that coverts us, that hides from us, that at some point we just forget.

Giving up everything bit by bit, I was foolish enough to think that i would find the answer. Forgetting my past, forgetting my present, forgetting my future, forgetting everything that would tie me down to the fate of a layman. Yet I couldn't find one happy moment that I could appreciate. Except for my family who has supported me for so long, I can't think of other happy thoughts. The friends I gave up to find the better good, why do I miss them so much?

Last year, two of the many catastrophes to come happened right in front of me, and a realization beyond anything crippled me. I changed and I know it. The importance of the people around me, and those who have been around me, I can never repay the favors you have done me, and I can never forgive myself for trying to forget you. I don't know who writing any of this can change anything, but on this cold, dark night, I fear that my thought can never reach you, and maybe it never will, but I find some solace in this.