bye bye!!!

ermm... i got to hurry... yesterday, went to the hanabi festival (fireworks fare) in shirarahama... the famous beach where sand is imported from australia... well i'll be going to tokyo tomorrow, it sounds long right? but if you count hours its like 6 hours away... well i haven't finished packing... well, just wanted to inform those interested i won't be blogging for around 3 weeks because of the trip to hokkaido and all... sorry for the delay... bye bye!!!

steamboat?

well, today chiang shen (my senior), alan and i had sort of a steamboat party... i said sort of cause of the various mishaps that happened... it started from yesterday...
i woke up at 1030 am and i was supposed to catch the 1000 am bus to town to buy the ingredients... well i settled for the 1130 one...
then i went to chiang shen's room to ask what i should buy for tonight...
(open the door)
cs: (still on bed sleeping)what? what???
me: i'll be going to gobo in 20 minutes... anything specific i need to buy?
cs: so early go and do what? shops not yet open...
me: (blur a bit) it's 1110 now...
cs: (wakes up suddenly) AH!!! i got to see my teacher at 800...
me: (swt...)... message me what i need to buy... i go first...
cs: ok!

one hour later when i was strolling in gobo...
me: (to myself) why hasn't he messaged me yet... (find phone)...
me: (to myself) opss... (left my phone in my room)...

so i eventually bought stuff i thought we would need according to my instinct...
that night...
(we meet in front of our corridor)
me: cs, i did something smart this morning...
cs: i also did something smart, i left the steamboat pot is in wei jian's room (he already went back to malaysia) so luckly you didn't buy the food...
me: (swt...) erm i forgot my phone this morning...
cs: i know already la...
me: (swt lagi...) ermmm... i bought the stuff already...
cs: (pura-pura faint)...

so we decided to use a normal pot and cook the stuff... wan ying (my only female senior) was supposed to join us, but she suddenly decided not to... kesian la, i won't be able to see her for one month... haizzzz... well well her bad luck... hehehe...
we wanted to make tom yam soup but all we had was two cubes of instant tom yam left... we improvised and ended up with more of a asam soup than tom yam... but amazingly thanks to cs, it tasted great...
there is an interesting story about the 'drinks' too... ask me if you see me and i'll tell you my adventure with alan...

the place i stay at...

i don't know how to really explain this place, it's becoming so much of my home that i can't tell what's different or special in this place anymore... well this place looks quite like malaysia actually, there is a lot of farms around...
i guess the first thing you'd realize about my school here is that it's covered in rust, but don't let that fool you, cause the things are quite new (not everything la...), it's just cause we are near the sea, so everything rusts at an amazing speed...
the towns nearby like inami and tanabe is popular for ume, or japanese plums (asam boi). which i really don't understand why japanese like to eat it so much... (makan dengan nasi punya... ya tuhan... imagine eating asam boi and rice...) ok la, it's not actually asam boi, it's plums pickled in salt water, so it's just salty...
the view here is breath-taking if it really doesn't take your breath away first by it's strong 'smells'... the sea nearby that i go strolling, is filled with the smell of drying seaweed meant to be sold, once you get used to the smell, then you'll start enjoying the view...
umm... what else is there say about this place? don't know, can't think of anything special... heard other kosens are much more prettier... but nearby here got a melon 食べ放題 or all you can eat melon buffet (i think strawberries are included in the package too...) but it's quite expensive... there is also a all you can eat cake shop here also... going to visit it more often from now on...
some random photo of my place...
the melon farm which is 5 minutes walk away where they have a melon all you can eat... never been to it though...
got two extra characters please ignore... hehehe
view of our tennis court which is beside my dorm...
the building on the right is my school office complex and on the left is a flower my mom grow at home too
fishing boats heading to sea...
just a random picture i thought was beautiful...

it's 5 in the morning...

it's 5 in the morning,
i can't hear what you say,
cause my earphones are blazing loud,
i can't sleep but neither do i know why...

it's been so long since i wrote i feel i'm forgetting,
times seems so short and,
yet so long do i wait for a minute to pass when i stare at the clock,
i can't wait to see my friends again...

life is like a song,
they always say that life is a bitter-sweet symphony,
where truth lies in lies,
and only you can choose what is true...

i used to find somebody's hand that i hold when i walk,
but now i slide them in my pocket and slowly walk away,
not waiting on others cause only i know what i want,
not going to drag others when i said i know what i want...

i hear the first call of dawn,
in the cries of a bird i can't see,
do you trust what you can't see?
do you trust what you can't grasp fully?

the heat is killing me,
the cold i want would kill me too,
why is it we want what we don't have,
and have what we don't need?

it's still 5 in the morning,
and i'm still lost in forever,
questions with no answers,
but hush... don't we all have questions?

believe me when i say,
life is the answer,
live for the answer,
die only when you can stare at yourself and say
'i don't have a doubt left'...

for life is a book, don't always just try to fill it up with pages and pages of black and white writing... draw those pictures, no matter how ugly they are, no matter if others would laugh... cause it's your book and those who love you would understand...

of being alone...

is there anything wrong with being lonely? i was always lonely, avoided people and always was by myself through out my life until one day, a girl made me change... she made me feel lonely in those nights i waited for her, she made me vague about the choices i made, and i felt so god damn lonely when she left me half dead bleeding because i hurt myself so much to just show her how it feels to be hurt... but she never realized other's people's pain until the very end because... well she was just too stubborn to realize that, it's just her jolly good self... crap, i steered away from the topic... when i finally reached this place, i was trying so hard to find a place for myself, so that everyone would love me, so that everyone will pay attention to me... about a few days ago, i realized, that, it was i who changed in the end because of her... hahaha, stupid right... and my wounds are finally healed, cause i don't hate her anymore, i just think i made a mistake because maybe both of us didn't know when to stop, we were just too immature i guess, exactly like what both our sisters said about us... it's time for me to become who i am and always was, the demon who does an angels work, i go around quiet well pulling off this job. i finally feel the loneliness she took away from me, the loneliness that i want so i can seal my heart once more... i realized that, i'm not lonely, my sister is getting engaged soon, and i always used to think that i wouldn't want to even go to it, but now, when i can't, i cried, my sister is so far away, my family, my heart that i left with them... i'm lonely cause i want to be this way, i want to be by myself so i can hurt nobody but can help everybody... i realized that i always felt lonely when those people i helped forgot me, but i never felt it, cause i was stronger than that, i had my strength in God and all... i feel so weird right now, i bet all these feelings and all, she already forgot so so long ago, and i think i should start forgetting everything too... today is a bright day... and i know tomorrow will be brighter... i really hope she does well in life, and i hope that i can continue mine too... i feel quiet happy today even though i think i'm boiling here... you know that the weather forecast over here reads like? 'today's temperature: 29 degrees, feels like 35 degrees...' that's because the moisture levels here are high... sigh... i thought it'd be cold here... my seniors here are the best, they take care of me a lot and most of them seem like my brothers (and sister, didn't forget you wan ying!) instead of friends, it's taking time for me to find myself, and i know a lot of other people are having the same problem as me... many of my friends gave up so much to be with the girls they loved, but it always turned out tragic, we feel that this lonely feeling will never leave us... but i know now... it's alright to feel lonely... cause no matter how alone i feel, there will always be the people who love me thinking of me... don't forget that...
this smile isn't fake, and with it i realize i'll never be lonely anymore... (eating zhong zhi with seniors and Alan...)


P.S. to my dear sister, i'm so sorry i can't come to your engagement... send me lots of pictures!!!

tanabata....

today is tanabata!!! well it's a japanese celebration where people write down their wishes on paper and hang it on bamboo trees (is it called a bamboo tree???). (we also get to eat jelly for tanabata, yeah!!!) these colorful trees can be seen everywhere and you can see them filled with wishes...
some wishes i saw...
1. i want to become a pro baseball player...
2. i want a new hand phone...
3. i want a new bicycle...
4. i want to become more pretty...
5. i want a new boyfriend/girlfriend...
6. i want nagisa (a common girls name) to talk to me...
7. i do not want to get anymore red marks...
and the list never ends...
it's kind of nice to see that there's still a lot of kids around despite the fact that points out that in wakayama, in every 10 people, there are 7 people over 65 years old... there was also people praying to win in the upcoming kosen tournament, and people wishing for good health... what i wished for? it's in the list of seven on top besides my wish for the good health for my family... if you can't guess it... i say you are pathetic... hahaha...
the tanabata in the train station where i left my wishes...

a bullet for a friend?

recently, we were discussing the earthquake in china in my friend, chai ei's blog, (www.chaiei.wordpress.com) and we were talking about the unsung heroes and people who died protecting what they thought was more important than themselves... in the end, one question was pointed at me, if a gun was pointed at your friend, with only one bullet left, and you were beside him, would you take the bullet for him?
to me, logically, there are many trains of thought, lets, start with the most common one. if you had about 10 seconds to think about it, you'd either probably run away if you think about the bullet and how mortal you are, or you'd take the bullet if you thought how mortal your friend is. if there was ten seconds for you to think, there would also be enough time for you to save your friend by minimizing how much 'damage' you are going to take... and rational thought of all living beings is the preservation of life, if your friend isn't important to you, of course you'd run away, but if he or she was, wouldn't you want to save his or her life by sacrificing only a part of yourself? isn't two lives better than one life?
that is probably what goes through most people's mind, and if you had 20 seconds to think, you'd think 'that flesh piercing, bone breaking bullet, i am not going to take that for anybody...' and true, you'd most probably die if you took the bullet for him or her...
truth is, i believe, if you had 21 seconds, you'd realize, it'd do the same to your friend, and if you had 22 seconds, you'd realize if you let him or her die, you'd have to live with the fact that you watched your friend die to save yourself...
and from this point onwards, there is nearly no certain way to say what a person will do, i wrote down the time, in seconds as a relative thing to how much you think. in
the end, you don't have many choices.

1. think of the people who love you, and save yourself for them...
2. think of your friend and the people who love him, save him...

the people who gave up their lives to save others in the earthquake, they probably were thinking opposite of how a normal person would. they all were thinking, 'how bad it would hurt that person if that building collapsed on him?' not the usual how much pain am I going to feel... i'd agree with chai ei and say, most people nowadays, who won't even drop a penny for a beggar, probably would save themselves, but i hope those who read this realize, 'only i (that means you) can change the world'. i'd love for someone to save me when i need to be saved, so i save people who need to be, no complicated thoughts, cause no matter how heavy the price is, if it was the other way around, wouldn't you want to be saved no matter the price? and if that question is directed at me again, i'd still say the same, i'd rather die bravely , than live in fear of myself...