wait... why am i getting so lazy these days...

a handphone strap is that cute thing that japanese people put around their handphone like this...
normally all i need was half an alarm clock to wake me up about 3 months ago, i mean half an alarm clock by the fact that i used to wake up earlier than the clock and switch it off before it rang. yet nowadays, after setting 5 different times on my hp alarm system... i wake up to see my phone on the floor and the time way past when i was supposed to wake up (apparently i'm becoming cold towards my pitiful phone). recently a lot of work is coming to an end and i'm trying to take a break for the sake of my body i guess. people think i'm gonna have a lonely Christmas this year cause?
a. i don't have a girlfreind
b. not many malaysians will still be around during that time
japanese people think it's a, and all the rest of everybody thinks it's b.
truth is nobody is right, well maybe i will miss the fact that nobody is going to drink sparkling grape juice with me, but, the truth is i am not lonely. like randy said, i guess starting to feel lonely and sad at times is part of us growing up. the truth is these days, i find it much easier to be myself around japanese people and i really don't care if they are going to accept the things i do or not. recently a classmate of mine was talking to me, and she started telling me about how her parents want to see me because of the stories she told them about me, (one was when i mistakenly said a japanese slang word that she was teaching me and she started laughing at me, and i said to her i'll never teach her english again, and we both started laughing uncontrollably,it might not sound funny i guess but the situation we were in was quite funny, you have to see it to believe me.) and i realized if i was putting up a front, none of that would have actually happened. so, i guess, i'm going to start trying harder to be myself and not complain so much anymore... anyways test will start from 9th to 12th of december plus my design competition will be on the 14th, wish us luck!!!

sadness...

before i start blogging again about serious stuff, i just wanted to write my feelings out... cause i got no where else to complain hahaha...

think, if you from small were always with people who were different from you, no one ever shows you kindness and you try to fit in so hard you have become a sponge, absorbing everything around you just for people to say that you are one of them. don't get me wrong and think that i'm blaming the people around me, i wouldn't be who i am without them, all of you who read this have changed my life, from my kindergarten years to now, i remember clearly the things i did that have changed me. it's hard to describe my feelings these few days, it has been ups and downs over and over i'm not sure if i'm stepping on glass shards or soft cotton anymore... everyone around me cared about me and many who are still around me still do...
but as i take every step into this wide world, i see that people are not all as good as the people i've met, people will hate you no matter how good you try to be. no matter how much good you do, it sometimes can't please people. and i wonder why i try so hard to be the best i can, even though i know people are just waiting for me to stumble. and i wonder why i try my best yet again.
recently, i lost my favourite handphone starp, and i wanted to cry, because sometimes i find it hard to trust the people around me here, and my handphone starp was my best friend at times, and when i lost her, i lost a lot of the remaining hope i had in myself. i searched and searched, but i couldn't find her, i couldn't, with tears going to roll down from my eyes, i spent the rest of my day in school, and no one knew how sad i was... no one, and it made me feel lonelier and lost more than ever. and, when i came back to my room, when i was about to fall in my bed and sleep, i found her, and the next thing that caught my eye was the Statue of God that i have in my room. He seemed liked he was smiling at me, and tears did roll down my eyes.
For everything in life is fragile, for the My God is not just a statue, He's a sign of hope, my sign of my fate. and we should realize that within every stumble, we find our footing again. we are never alone, for our God, our Hope, ourselves, is always with us, and i realized, i can give up on so many things in life, but the Hope inside of me, will never give up on me...

For within ourselves lies Hope,
For within ourselves lies faith,
For within ourselves lies God,

We move for ourselves,
We pray for ourselves,
We love for ourselves,

we are ourselves and;
for what we do,
changes everything around us,

nothing other than i,
nothing more than i,
nothing else but i.

the weight of our burdens is set on how we view this world, and i'm learning to live for myself, because like someone recently told me:
'if you think living for others, and thinking that sacrificing yourself for others is going to make them happy, you are wrong.'

no updates...

my internet connection in my room has been severed due to some legal mumbo jumbo and i won't have internet for another two weeks, meaning updating my blog is going to be difficult (i already took a long break already) but no choice... sorry... and will start updating as soon as i get my internet connection back...