sadness...

before i start blogging again about serious stuff, i just wanted to write my feelings out... cause i got no where else to complain hahaha...

think, if you from small were always with people who were different from you, no one ever shows you kindness and you try to fit in so hard you have become a sponge, absorbing everything around you just for people to say that you are one of them. don't get me wrong and think that i'm blaming the people around me, i wouldn't be who i am without them, all of you who read this have changed my life, from my kindergarten years to now, i remember clearly the things i did that have changed me. it's hard to describe my feelings these few days, it has been ups and downs over and over i'm not sure if i'm stepping on glass shards or soft cotton anymore... everyone around me cared about me and many who are still around me still do...
but as i take every step into this wide world, i see that people are not all as good as the people i've met, people will hate you no matter how good you try to be. no matter how much good you do, it sometimes can't please people. and i wonder why i try so hard to be the best i can, even though i know people are just waiting for me to stumble. and i wonder why i try my best yet again.
recently, i lost my favourite handphone starp, and i wanted to cry, because sometimes i find it hard to trust the people around me here, and my handphone starp was my best friend at times, and when i lost her, i lost a lot of the remaining hope i had in myself. i searched and searched, but i couldn't find her, i couldn't, with tears going to roll down from my eyes, i spent the rest of my day in school, and no one knew how sad i was... no one, and it made me feel lonelier and lost more than ever. and, when i came back to my room, when i was about to fall in my bed and sleep, i found her, and the next thing that caught my eye was the Statue of God that i have in my room. He seemed liked he was smiling at me, and tears did roll down my eyes.
For everything in life is fragile, for the My God is not just a statue, He's a sign of hope, my sign of my fate. and we should realize that within every stumble, we find our footing again. we are never alone, for our God, our Hope, ourselves, is always with us, and i realized, i can give up on so many things in life, but the Hope inside of me, will never give up on me...

For within ourselves lies Hope,
For within ourselves lies faith,
For within ourselves lies God,

We move for ourselves,
We pray for ourselves,
We love for ourselves,

we are ourselves and;
for what we do,
changes everything around us,

nothing other than i,
nothing more than i,
nothing else but i.

the weight of our burdens is set on how we view this world, and i'm learning to live for myself, because like someone recently told me:
'if you think living for others, and thinking that sacrificing yourself for others is going to make them happy, you are wrong.'