Illusions of greatness: February 2009

it's not that i want to leave you behind,
it's just that i have to leave you behind,
it's not that i don't want you,
it's just that i can't have you...

in a time where all i want is for your eyes to fall on me,
it doesn't,
in a time when all i think of is your smiling smiling face,
it hurts...

let me go, i know that you may still be here,
let myself go, i know that i may still be here,
here in a moment caught between now and then,
not knowing if i should hold on or let go...

fare well my love, farewell,
we might meet again someday, if fate says so,
but for now, i've got to leave you and go,
i know it might not matter to you, but it does to me,
and for all the times i've hurt you, i'll say sorry,
and for all the times you've hurt me, i'll try forgetting,
but for now,
fare well my love, farewell... for now...

it might have been a short acquaintance,
but i remember ever detail of you,
how you laugh and the way you stare blankly into air,
while you think of everything but me,

i know i'm just a shadow in your life,
nothing important but just always there,
it might be hard for me to grasp the reality that i don't matter to you,
but it matters to me, it matters to me....

fare well my love, farewell,
we might meet again someday, if fate says so,
but for now, i've got to leave you and go,
i know it might not matter to you, but it does to me,
and for all the times i've hurt you, i'll say sorry,
and for all the times you've hurt me, i'll try forgetting,
but for now,
fare well my love, farewell... for now...

ps: this is about a japanese girl who probably doesn't give a crap that i exist but some how i keep thinking of her and it is starting to get on my mind, so i just wrote a song (and blew it out of proportions) so i can focus on studying for my exams... v^.^v
plus a silly photo!

--First let me begin with the explanation of the museum we went to on the first day of our visit to Hiroshima. The Nuclear Explosion Dome Museum it's direct Japanese translation is located in the middle of a large park (the Peace Park) erected in the memory of that fateful day. A mere 50 yen (RM 2) is charged as an entrance fee. Upon entering the first part of the museum, a 3 minute video introduction is played. A rough idea on what happened in Hiroshima is explained to those who are not familiar with the incident. Pre-world war 2 posters are hung in a gallery form explaining the beginning of the Pacific war (including the invasion of Manchuria and Russia). Then history and creation of the atomic bomb is shown in these posters too. The reasons why Hiroshima was chosen as the target for the bomb is also explained in minute detail through letters sent and received by generals and presidents. A scale model of before and after the bombing is what follows next. After this you continue to the second floor where a recorded of Hiroshima's city history chronologically is written down. This is followed about the present situation of the world and countries still possessing nuclear weapons and efforts to stop nuclear warfare. As you try to absorb in the enormous amount of information you have been feed, you have a chance for a breather when you look at the souvenirs and pass through a sky bridge with breath-taking views of the park be low which connects the two parts of the museum together. The last part of this museum, the more gruesome part is the story of the victims and things left behind by these people.
--The first thing I realized when i entered this museum is that I knew a lot about what happened and I wanted to deepen my knowledge in what happen during that time. The first thing that caught my attention was the fact why Kyoto was not chosen as a site for the bombing, because it was to serve as the post-war capital for Japan according to American forecasts. I always thought that Hiroshima and Nagasaki was chosen because of the military facilities or power plants located in the area, but the truth is I was very wrong, Hiroshima was chosen based on its size and population as key properties. The atomic bomb, to the Americans at the time was to be used as a means to justify research costs and be shown to the world as a destructive force. Therefore, we could say that Hiroshima was more of a place to display the power of the atomic bomb at it's max capacity. The part that made me sad was the part where Hiroshima was never air-raided to lower the guard of the Hiroshima town's people. It was saddening that when the bomb exploded the air-raid sirens had just stopped signaling to people that it was safe to go out. The time, 815 am, was the worst time to be possibly chosen since, it was the commuting time for most people.
--The bomb exploded 600 meters above ground, instantaneously creating a massive fireball the melted even stones. To think that pouring hot water on yourself, 100 degrees Celsius is unimaginable, imagine 2000 degrees rock melting temperatures, you literally melt and disappear. A 3 kilometer radius of the fireball was reduced to nothing. 90% of buildings collapsed and crushed or trapped people inside. The shock-wave created sent glass in every direction, concrete walls where penetrated with glass, imagine what it could do to people. The infamous shadows are left where people stood because the rocks (concrete) turned white when contacted with direct heat but when humans or animals were around, their bodies shield the rock from heat thus leaving a shadow. On the second floor where most Japanese people cried, was the fate of those who suffered the effects of nuclear fallout, or better known as radiation, listed in the chronological events list. The Americans studied these people to find out the long term effects of radiation without treating them for any illnesses, until this day though, there is no concrete result to show what exactly happens to those victims. The Japanese government started to pay for the cost of treatment for these people (the official atomic bomb radiation victims only), to me, a small burden lifted of the shoulders of the suffering people. In the following section, a lot of interesting facts of talk on how to abolish nuclear weapons and hindrances faced. America again, is the top of the list with most nuclear weapons, and with all talks of banning nuclear testing, sub-critical nuclear bombs are still being tested and countries like America and Russia who hold enough information on nuclear explosions can find the answers they need from these sub-critical explosions based on the data they already have from previous nuclear explosions. So, inadvertently there is nothing being done now, or able to be done against the stock piling of nuclear armaments. I feel it funny though, that we can still sleep at night not knowing if a rain of nuclear missiles are going to fall from the sky onto us.
--In the last part of this museum, the untold story of many victims are held in the item that once used to be theirs. Clothes, mostly of school children lay in this museum. Lunch boxes, watches, shirts, pants, and all kinds of things were left behind. Most people in this section ignore the stories written down and ignore the black marks and darkened blood on these clothes. One story read about how a girl died in the clothes she sewed herself, a summer uniform, what she had been looking forward to, to run around and play in her clothes, yet... Most children according to the stories died at their parents side. Something that makes me cry even right now, to watch your own child die, is worse then having your skin ripped from you alive. One father whose 3 year-old son died while riding his tricycle, was so grieve-stricken that he refused to bury his son alone, he buried his son's tricycle and helmet with him, saying that he is too young to be without it. My heart has never been broken into so many pieces before, all my words cannot explain the grief i felt when i read about this father.
--There are countless other stories, many which will be left untold for a long long time to come and remain buried in a lost history. I would like to reiterate the fact that in no war there is right, and therefore, there is also no wrong. During war, people do what is needed best to benefit the country that they live in. To me, the atomic bomb was the sign of the end of the war. People may blame Russia, or America for the fate of Japan, but truth be known that if the Axis had that power (people should realize that Germany was also in development of nuclear arms at that time), they would have used it too. In no ways am I saying that I'm not disgusted by the choices made during that time, and in no way am I trying to justify anyone, we should realize the fact that, when war breaks out, everyone will only stand for themselves, and we should respect to a certain extent, the choices made by those people back then, because trust me that it was hard for them too. We should realize the atrocities of war, the fate of people who suffered and die in the worst conditions we can imagine. One family, a sister and a brother (in their 20s) rummaged through the remains of the house where 3 cousins, their grandparents, aunt, and mother was in during the explosion, the house close to the epicenter of the blast, was almost vaporized. Yet they found a small ceramic bowl which they used to eat with when they were young, their grandchild donated the bowl to the museum. Most people would be sadden by the fact of their loss, but look deeper and you'd find the hope they found in that bowl, the house was totally destroyed yet, the bowl was untouched, and their grandson is still alive, which means they fought to live on, from the rubles of a city and from the rubles of hearts, they, all the citizens of Hiroshima built a new world from dust.

for in our hearts,
lies a shrine indestructible,
the strength called hope,

for in our hearts,
lies a light unending,
the power called love,

for in our hearts,
lies a place serenely,
a place called home,

for in every heart,
hope gives us power,
love gives us warmth,
thus from ashes we can rise again...