hmm...

tomorrow is the first official day of my exam, haven't studied for tomorrow's exam yet, not confident about it some more... don't know what i'm doing, but don't worry, i'll be fine. i've been having this weird dreams recently, i wake up in my sleep and do all kinds of weird things, i go to school, but the way people treat me, look at me, everything feels different, nothing is funny though, it just feels like another passing by until i suddenly realize that, that isn't me, and when i look into a mirror, i see myself, the same me, but with a different smile, and i'm trapped, i can't wake up even though i know i'm asleep, and as i struggle within, i feel weird, i see his eyes, even though everyone treats him kindly, more kind than they would treat the normal me, he feels sad, and i stop struggling and gaze into his eyes...
the eyes where nothing exists, no purpose, no feelings,
the eyes of mine which i am more afraid to face than anyone else...

i realized in those eyes, were my own deepest fears, no reason, that's what i fear most, to be alive but not have a reason to be alive... it's the worst feeling i can ever have, i know i'm thinking too much recently, since i really miss home, and i just want to go back. but, this time around, i need to find a lot of answers, to questions that i'm asking myself sub-consciously. i used to be a coward, but not anymore..... live by your own words, and live for yourself... don't hide behind others...