you've been warned...
ever felt like you give yourself away in parts? i don't know if anyone realizes it yet, but i often make presents and write poems with the power i have, often spending hours and hours, i know it often looks and sounds childish, but no one has ever asked me why i do it still... the truth is i feel like i'm giving a part of myself away, and i feel when a person who loves me comes along, she'd realize it too and love me back... i've gone over this process a million times, giving every girl i liked (even if just a bit...) a present of some kind... but so far, seriously no one understood it's significance, until now that is. a girl gave me back a postcard with her drawing on it, and a shy letter (considering the fact she is a tomboy-type girl). and for once in my life my heart started to race, and i felt happy, i felt that i could relate to her feelings and she could mine...
but just when things started to go my way, i backed away, i felt lacking, i felt that i wasn't good enough, she wasn't the prettiest girl with the pettiest wishes but... i don't know, i just let her go. and i realized all my life i've been like this, i try my best not to get close to the people i love, cause i know, that when you are close enough, you are close enough to hurt them. i knew that for a fact when i got tangled with a girl last year, i won't lie and say i don't miss her at all, but i hope she is happy without me. the reason i've been able to let go is because the other people around me treasure me and take too good care of me, my family especially. i know no matter what happens to me, i'll always have a home to go back to, no matter the circumstances, and i've become a person that wants to care too, because everyone seems to take care of me, and i'm too afraid of hurting anybody anymore.
i rather she hate me now than love me, cause i know my love is lacking right now, i hope she does well. i hope i can always be her friend because i'd hate to lose her more than anything else right now,i know i sound stupid and most people are going to say, just tell her, what's the worst thing that could happen, well the worst thing that can happen is that we both could lose our friendship, which i rather not lose than confess my dumb feelings to her. seriously, anyhow, i'd find it hard for anyone let alone a japanese girl to every like me.
well, that's the end of the 'sad part'.
i know i tend to think too much, and i know that most people's advice is not to worry too much. the thing is i'm not worried at all, maybe not at all, but mostly i'm not worried. i don't mind being a little lonely at times, and to me, giving a bit of my happiness away is giving it to someone else to enjoy, which i still think is a good bargain. for this girl, she is going to work once she graduates from here, i actually think she should continue with her degree, but i don't know enough about her to ever be able to convince her that, that is my only regret since she is kind of smart to me. thinking of her smile and remembering how she laughs is a kind of relaxant to me, it makes me feel calm knowing that she is happy right now (remember i still don't believe that there is a person in this world that will like me for who i am). seeing her postcard, makes me realize that, it ain't to bad to be me and make others happy. and thanks to her, for now, i can still go on being me...
and to those people who read until here who are confused and don't understand anything that i said... i warned you... hahaha...
i love her handwriting, and could admire it for hours...
her picture, it may look stupid to most people, but to me, it depicts her perfectly
3 comments:
y she draws a cow for u ..?
well got la her reasons.. hahaha
dun wan tell you
u sure look like a bull when playing basketball so she draws that
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