it's raining yet again...

recently i've been writing a lot of rock and pop songs or poems or whatever you want to call them... i thought i would write one slow one inspired by this slow long rain that seems like it's stopping the blazing fire in my soul from burning me to ashes...

it's raining yet again
it's raining, as i wake up and rub my eyes,
i see you next to me, stealing my covers as you snuggle up to me,
your eyes are closed yet you stare at me with a sheepish smile,
as i stroke your hair, i wonder what i'd do without you,
as this cold morning shower drowns my sorrows,

i wake up, i leave you sleeping,
i try to make some coffee but i end up staring out,
into those gloomy skies, where i can only see so little,
then i see a bird, in it's nest, cuddling it's children,
and my heart grows warmer as i wonder if i can protect my child so,
but the thought breaks as you creep up from behind to hug me...

it's raining yet again, i may never know the sun today,
but i have her hand in mine,
and i don't mind that it's so cold,
it's raining like yesterday, and i may not know the sun today,
but i have you here with me,
and i don't mind cause you're my everything...
yeah yeah yeah yeah.... you're my everything...

you smile at me as you read my thoughts,
you let me see through your glowing eyes,
and i wonder, why should i be so blessed,
to have you by me during this cold morning rain,
i wonder and i wonder on and on...

it's raining yet again, i may never know the sun today,
but i have her hand in mine,
and i don't mind that it's so cold,
it's raining like yesterday, and i may not know the sun today,
but i have you here with me,
and i don't mind cause you're my everything...
yeah yeah yeah yeah.... you're my everything...


she could be your family, she could be your friends, she could be your boyfriend, she could be your girlfriend, she could be your God, she could be a complete stranger, but she knows you for who you are and no matter what your day seems like in the end, you have her...
if i ever learned anything in life,
'to be loved, first understand yourself, give out all the love you have no matter how painful it gets, and in time, it'll return to you'
people are at their worst nowadays, selfishness, greed and all kinds of famine have struck our world... most people don't believe or just have forgotten, that life is more beautiful than just all those material things, and starting just by yourself, does make a difference...

change our world before we have not a world left...

random ramblings 2

well, my tests are starting next week yet i haven't studied one bit, but like i care... i'm sorry to say that this time i won't do as good as the last time cause i don't have my english subjects to pull up my average score again... and for the first time in my life i rather blog than go study... i wonder if it's only me, but do anyone of you ever wonder, i mean like think, if there is someone stealing glances at you... do they like you or do they feel totally weirded out by your presences? just that recently in the canteen, i get these glances over and over again from some people, i don't only mean girls, some guys too, i don't mean that they love me or such, just like in the sense that they want to become my friend or something? is it weird to feel that way? i guess so, without me realizing, i miss my home, my family, my friends so much already, but i know i'm here because i love them all, these things happening to me here, so much i can't comprehend or understand, but, you know, life always goes on, and i find myself enjoying my life more and more when i realize how short it is going to be... those glances won't last another month, but new things will come to overtake it, but for now, enjoy what you have, treasure it and live your life for the best not only the end...

I'm like you too
stealing glances from there,
i see your eyes,
but when i turn,
you hastily try turning away,

don't think i'm naive,
maybe i am different,
just touch my heart,
you'll feel the same beats,

my skin maybe darker,
my tone maybe lower,
but see me closer,
i have a heart too,

let me hold you,
i won't let go,
trust me you can,
i want to be friends,

the world maybe says,
that we're worlds apart,
but realize the truth,
that you'll always have me,

stop staring from afar,
feel my warmth closer,
and you will see,
i am just like you...

what's my reality?

i find it funny that just a few months ago, i couldn't stop loathing and hating so many other people just because i didn't have a girlfriend... seems so unreal to me right now that i used to be so trivial... today i felt like a kid again, the way i always was, i got jealous of a girl... because she got 100 in her test and i didn't... hahaha, when you are at a age, you just find it funny... right now, i don't know why, but out of the blue a few (ok la, 2 months) ago, i just decided that having a girlfriend is a too trivial thing for me to even spare a minute to think about. and because of that so small change i made in my life, i feel so much better... a lot of things nowadays, i do because i like, not to impress somebody, or to make someone else like me... hahaha, you know, it's just that i mean, every person that i've met so far, some my friends, some just people i met, it feels so weird to me now when the say, 'i need a girlfriend...' i think they are misguided even though i was like them, yes ,yes i'm still not actually on the 100 percent right track, but at least i know where i'm heading now... i used to be like this all the time, i didn't care about getting the best results or anything, i just usually sat down and put a target like, i'm gonna do better than this person, and always made sure the pressure never got to me. a few months ago all i could actually think about is i'm gonna fail! i'm gonna fail! which is so unlike me... i always knew that people who fail, are either just unlucky or didn't try at all... to me, i've never gone 100 percent all out in my studies, why some people would ask, or some would even jest by saying that i'm just making all of this up to make myself feel better cause i'm not smart... truth is, there are some (actually many) people out there who compare themselves to me... they give their 100 percent, working for something i think is useless, just like some people who learn so much of physics... but don't even know why you can't puncture a aerosol can... (i couldn't find a better example but you get the drift right...) i rather get an average score in my tests and be able to apply all of the knowledge i have compared to having knowledge and not knowing where to use it... tests are to me the most trivial things in this world that you can't take too seriously... i just wrote my mind out because i haven't got much people took talk crap like this too... hahaha...
i'm going in circles right? hahaha... i wrote a song today... just out of the blue came into my mind... it's would do well in the rock genre i think...

it isn't a lie... by me...
if there was a time i loved,
it wouldn't be now, cause i'm so lost,
and i wouldn't know if i loved you or not...
cause,
this mystical veil, fogs me within myself,
and i can't get out, can't get out to see,
if you are the one still waiting for me...

it isn't a lie, to say i'm not sure,
and i'm not denying there's a chance that i don't love you anymore,
for i can't say i'm sure,
since you just came back so suddenly,
so,
give me some time, let me make my choice,
and just maybe, i'll say 'i love you' again...

time flew by so fast when you just left,
so many good things happened when i was missing you,
i didn't have a clue, why you left me but i cried,
and now you stand here in front of me,
expect me to say 'yes' and move on with you,
isn't that just cruel?
isn't that just unfair?
that i'm supposed to take all this sh*t and put up with you again...

it isn't a lie to say i'm not sure,
i'm just unsure, since all this time you weren't here,
should you accept a person that left you once again... again... again...

it isn't a lie, to say i'm not sure,
and i'm not denying there's a chance that i don't love you anymore,
for i can't say i'm sure,
since you just came back so suddenly,
so,
give me some time, let me make my choice,
and just maybe, , just maybe, i'll say 'i love you' again...

petronas ads... and happy merdeka

petronas ads... does anybody not know about them? well i bet you all have seen it but this is my favourite one... this one is quite old but i like it la, the grandma is so cute, plus when she says the guys name 'sam', she actually pronounces it as 'chem chem' which to me (as an indian) is so totally funny. to the guys out there la, just imagine it la, you are talking to some hot girls and your grandma gives you vegetables to take home to your mom, i actually think the girls might think it's sweet and all, but how totally embarrassing....

seriously, petronas ads that come out every festive season is one thing i actually look forward to during any of our celebrations back home. the recent chinese new year one was one that moved me to tears, still going to cry even now, makes us realize and pushes us into the reality of how really gifted we are. the multi-racial element which we hold so close to our heart, i felt so much in this advertisement (even though it was for chinese new year). you know, the funniest part is that the boys name thiam hock is the same as my friends name from high school... hahaha... although their surnames are different.

this is the latest one they have for merdeka this year which is extremely touching too... times are fast changing and the world is waiting for no one, to me the thing this ad tells me is, at times, how hard you strive proves who you are, and when you are your wits ends, that's when you parents prove to you, you are their child...

i could write on and on, but the truth is, the ads hold their own meaning to each of us, some of us say 'that's so true...', some of us pity the characters, 'so pitiful la...' some of us... learn that, life is more than just about ourselves... so, you just think to yourself what it means to you...

happy merdeka, even if it's already a bit (ok la a day) too late, and thank you petronas for such meaningful advertisements (we know how much it costs you...) looking forward for the upcoming raya one too...

super long blog!!! read only if you have time... vacation... written version and picture version

written version...
ok ok.. i admit, i've been avoiding doing this for the past 3,4 days... the malays would call it... 'malas'... hahaha
i'm gonna start with 1st of august, the day i left for tokyo, we (alan and i) used a ticket called sei syun 18 kippu, it's worth 11500 yen and its can be used for five days... it's like you go to the station, show it to one of the workers and they stamp that day's date onto it and you can get on any train you want as long as it's a local train (the one that stops at every station)... sounds fun right? it took us 13 hours
and gut wrenching heart stop action each of the 9 times we changed trains... for god sake... i was on the verge of killing someone at the end of it...
the victims...
6 packets of sandwiches
5 onigiri (rice balls)
2 bottles of coffee
3 bottles of tea
2 bottles of mineral water
1 Lai Chai Ei

chai ei came to shinjuku to meet us and spend the night with us even though he could have slept care-freely in his own room... he took us for some drinks and bought us boneless kfc fried chicken... we kept laughing at him cause he was carrying a kfc box which we thought had normal 'un'boneless chicken in it... but... i don't really know why... but we were laughing at this the whole night... we ended up staying in a place to read comic books, they give you a room and you get to read the available comics in the store... this happened mostly because the hotel i found using my phone was located in a prostitution district which mr lai had to search for us... hahaha...
i guess without lai that night, we two would have killed each other... tiredness...

the next day we took part in the ASEAN sports fest. there was ping pong and badminton which our seniors took part and represented malaysia... in badminton, indonesia were just too strong to beat while in ping pong malaysia won. i took part in basketball along with alan, kita-kyushu representative the greatest Hi-sa-mu-dinnnnnnnnnn... along with mr lai and nagaoka three point specialist wei shen... hehehe had tonnes of fun even though i never scored a single point. we had fun when we defeated our first challengers from thailand... our compatriots and seniors weren't so lucky when they met a strong Philippines team... our second match against another Philippines team... actually we would have won if not for a stupid referee (from the other team) who was siding the other team, or better to say against our team because they were scared of our team... in the end we lost our nerves, started missing shot when the referee gave the other team the advantage too many times... emotions ran high and we were all on the verge of a fight, but thank god the other team had a lot of good guys who calmed us down and gave us the best they could... well, we lost in the end although i thought we put up quite a good fight to the end...

emm... after that, james and bao cong (two of our seniors) took alan, chai ei, wei shen and me around shinjuku showing us various places... including bars where men host serve women who have to much of money... mostly old grannies... when i said serve i meant it, no funny stuff, just serve drinks and talk to you for the night...
(alan kept on shouting that those were gay bars... i couldn't help but laugh...) we spent our night this time in a internet cafe... oh, the thing is you could bathe in both the places just that the conversation between the staff and me went like this...
me: hi, i want to use the shower room...
staff: yes, but we have a few people waiting on our list, could you wait sir?
me: about how long is that gonna take?
staff: let me see (pulls out a list) there are 7 people on the list now, each will take 30 minutes plus the gentlemen who went in just now... that will be a 4-hour wait sir...
me: (gasp)...
staff: i think you'd not want be on the list then... (smirks...)

well, the following day we snuck into our friends dorm... well, since one look at me and you know i'm a foreigner here, they took heavy measures not to let me be seen...
1. not letting me use the front gate... (meaning that i had to climb the fence in and out everyday)
2. a two day curfew which i had to stay only in the room (the guarded the place even when i used the bathroom)
3. if i was seen, i was to kill the person who saw me and swallow the poison supplied to me...

well the last one was a joke, but i really felt like that through out my whole stay there, it was like if i was in a witness protection program and if i was seen the yakuza were going to assassinate me... however i had loads of fun here thanks to yeow keong (for smuggling me in), bao cong (for his 'wisdom' and jokes), and james (for his endless comedy plus great food and the best company one could ask for). chai ei... i don't need to thank him la... he knows i love him... hahaha... i really don't remember much what i did in kisarazu except eat sleep eat and sleep some more... emm... we did go to yokohama a popular tourist spot... but i don't think anything happened there worth writing about...

we left kisarazu after a week or so... this was the worst part of the journey to me... we took a bus from tokyo to sendai (6 hours) and then took around another eight trains (6 hours +) immediately after getting down from the bus to a place called morioka... then from there another two hour bus to aomori... god... it was like hell... runnnig here and there... waiting for this train that train, don't know where we are going to end up... stuffing your mouth with food you ate 2 minutes ago... no solid food at all...
the victims...
3 packets of sandwiches
6 onigiri (rice balls)
4 bottles of coffee
1 bottles of tea
2 bottles of mineral water

we spent a night in aomori... no we didn't visit any apple farms, we just spent a night there, did manage to see the apples they were selling which looked ridiculously big and was being sold dirt cheap... we spent the night in an ok hotel... the thing about aomori is... it's a city made for it's people to stay in, there is no places to visit or even go to after 9 in the town... so it was quite boring there...

we left the following day before the sun was up by train to hakodate and took and pass from there to sapporo,,, something funny happened on the bus though... alan sat behind a girl who was... from my point of view... 'flashing her beautiful long legs...' i said beautiful because her legs were really beautiful... not cause i'm a pervert k??? after around an hour on the bus... alan turns to me and says... 'can change place or not... i cannot tahan this girl liao...' ... hahaha it was quiet funny to me at least... then i changed places with alan and started playing my DS to forget about her... hehehe

we spent two nights in sapporo by ourselves before our battalion arrived... we stayed in a hotel again and spent our days looking around and trying various foods la... but i don't have a particular interest in catching photographs of food... so sorry ah... when our battalion was ready... we ventured to a lot of different places... this part i think let the pictures do the talking better... so from here on out is the...

picture version!!!
tiredness takes over, alan sleeping while messaging, me sleeping in the train...
kabukicho host clubs? or in alan's incorrect words 'Gay bars!!!'
asakusa...
i like yien san's pose in this photo...
alan being tortured... notice the shells on his... errr... chest...
elaine so cute...
at yokohama... some weird art thingy...
me catching yien san catching elaine
anticipating their caricatures...
the finished product, two very beautiful smiles...
akaren in yokohama too
an ad for the aomori art museum
few nice stations i had been to before i reached sapporo
a flying raccoon near the hotel we stayed at in a shopping street named raccoon street...
sapporo's clock tower... got la some history behind it... not planning on finding out though...
they were various statues scattered around hokkaido especially in sapporo, i like this one the best, HOPE...
my most artistic picture of the sapporo tv tower...
view from above the tower of odori park
notice anything cute?

the sapporo fish market
in the shiroi koibito factory's park... rose garden
these cute things pop out and scold you when you touch the tree...
find yien san and elaine!!!
hokkaido sushi... yup everything was raw... extremely raw...
i front of a glass making factory where you can make something for yourself by yourself!!! i made a pendant...
i promised elaine i'll document her doing her mug, but at last... i didn't catch the picture of her finished product... sad...
i also like yien san's pose here... in front of some lake where we saw a lot of rocks under the sea
night time in odori park, bon odori (ghost festival dance) going on
on our way to asahiyama zoo... flowers!!!
sunflower!!!
dying lavender!!!
at tomita farm in asahikawa if i'm not mistaken, ate lavender ice cream here!!! super delicious!!!
called the parent child trees, used in some advertisement...
penguins!!!
'what you looking at ah?' cute polar bears were in the zoo... 3 to be exact
a cute and cheeky guy who can choose to run overhead you, he even stops and stares down at you at times... ok i admit i forgot what he is...
at the zoo
at mount hakodate... in lai's words... romantic mountain...
view from atop hakodate mountain...
wei shen insulting one of the statues...
some star shaped park made in ancient times by the feudal time japs to protect themselves from invading foreigners, but never completed at that time...
model of the star...
my last photo in hokkaido... on top of a giant rock...
-----------------------------the end---------------------------------

wait...

---wait---
i'd wait and wait and wait some more...
there's nothing more to life than waiting for you...
i'd sing this song to you if you'd listen,
but listen closely,
cause no one else is gonna sing to you again,

i lost so many moments waiting on you,
lost my nerves when i held your hand,
i wanted to say i love, but i just stuttered,
when you'd stared back at me with those dead cold eyes,

i'd say thank you but if you listened,
for all those times you cradled me in your arms,
and when you let me lean on your shoulder and cry,
but i don't get it...

cause i wait and i wait and i wait some more,
but you don't seem to show up anymore,
those are the times when i give up,
but then you show up...
and i'm waiting on you again...

are these all lies?
are these all just my dreams?
do you hate me?
or do you just love me too much to say it?

i'd wait and wait and wait some more...
there's nothing more to life than waiting for you...
i'd sing this song to you if you'd listen,
but listen closely,
cause no one else is gonna sing to you again,

i'd wait and wait and wait some more...
there's nothing more to life than waiting for you...
i'd sing this song to you if you listen,
and i hope that you understand now,
that life isn't easy...
and life must go on...
and i'm sorry to say... i'll wait...
but not for you anymore...

this post is dedicated to my friend, well... all of us have our moments, sometimes, you pick the wrong way, and some times you pick the right... i went through all of this, and realize one thing, that no matter which road you pick, at the end of it, your friends will be there to mend your wounds or even celebrate with you... never under-estimate the power of your friends... peace out...

someday...

someday by jinn...

Chi wo hau musume.
地を這う娘。
Kirei na hana wa mitsukatta no kai?
キレイな華は見つかったのかい？
Wake mo naku, jibun wo
訳も無く、自分を
Miushinau wake ga nai darou yo.
見失うわけがないだろうよ。
Someday...
SOMEDAY...
Itsuka, taiyou ga kimi wo terasu darou.
いつか、太陽が君を照らすだろう。
Ima, kono basho wo hanazono ni kaeyou.
今、この場所を花園に変えよう。
Umi shiru shounen.
海知る少年。
Yume no niishi wa ryuu sareta no kai?
夢の小石は流されたのかい？
Imi mo naku, koe kare
意味も無く、声枯れ
Sakebu hazu mo aru mai.
叫ぶはずもあるまい
Someday...
SOMEDAY...
Itsuka, taiyou ga kimi wo terasu darou.
いつか、太陽が君を照らすだろう。
Ima, kono basho wo hanazono ni kaeyou.
今、この場所を花園に変えよう。
Hitotsu, futatsu.
一つ、二つ。
Koto no ha, maiorite
言の葉、舞い降りて
Watashi wa, ima.
私は、今。
Watashi wa...
私は。。。

girl crawling on the ground,
did you find a beautiful flower yet?
there's no reason,
to lose sight of yourself...

someday...
someday, the sun will shine on you...
now, let's turn this place into a garden...

the boy who loves the sea,
did the pebbles of your hopes get flown away?
there's no reason, my voice goes dry,
and there's no way i can shout anymore...

someday...
someday, the sun will shine on you...
now, let's turn this place into a garden...

one... two...
the leafs of words, dance as they fall,
now... i...
i...



to me this song had a very deep meaning even though the english translation sounds stupid, and the way she (jinn, the singer) sings it give you a feeling that you can push on no matter what... i'm not going to ruin it's meaning by writing what i think it means, i just wrote the literal translation... so good luck deciphering it...