exams... the dreaded exams...

4th year is one god-damn bitter pill to swallow down. i've been having 4 reports a week on average and the worst part is i'm starting to not understand some stuff that the teachers are s=trying to teach. well, i don't think i'm the only one that is facing that problem. the fact of the matter is there is too much of information to munch through and on top of that, there is virtually no time for revision (at least for me) to tackle all the homework and other stuff i am doing. the exams are just around the corner (in another 10 days?) and i am so not prepared for the 14 subjects... god help me please :P
hahaha, getting through tough spots are my specialty, so don't worry about me. recently nothing much happened, malas want to upload the photos of sii lee's birthday here since he is already doing in face book hahaha... i'm so evil. until the exams finish i don't think i'll actually update on anything interesting... sorry and ta-ta...

just some random thoughts...

In life, do you ever feel that you've reached your limit and you don't want to try anymore? it's had to grasp on to the thing you want most and you feel lost. i don't know why but i feel like i am at this crossroad right now, and i'm having trouble picking out the road i want.
recently, about a month ago, after i came back here, i started to realize that i have so many things wrong in me, and i'm slowly trying my best to change, and because of that, i'm facing a lot of hurdles. hurdles, if you were supposed to jump over them, you would do it naturally, but if you are forcing yourself, then there is this unknown force that keeps you from jumping higher up past these hurdles.
ya, i know i'm talking crap, but what i mean to say is, when you set your own targets, it seems so much more harder to reach them, but when others set you a target, it seems that much easier to reach it. and, i started realizing why, because only you know how far you can go, and you will push yourself, further and further, because you know your limits.
yesterday i was about to give up all my plans, and just let myself slip into free fall. but i guess i have to go further than that, since i have nothing to lose. i wish i had my vigor from before, i wish i can turn back time.

i know i can't,
that's why i try,
to find a finer,
to be a better,

not always easily solved,
but always arising easily,
problems are there unending,
your prerogative to end,

find a shining light,
in the darkest corner,
find your way home,
even if you're lost...

cycling competition???

i don't know why the japanese people here like to put competition behind everything here. the cycling competition is held every year, but it isn't a competition, it's just us and our tutor riding our bicycles up to a spot for a barbecue. yup, that is the main point, BBQ!!! and suddenly this year, the teachers decided to cancel the BBQ for some planetarium visit, without even asking us. wei jian, my senior, decide he was not going to go with it, and after asking me to tag along with him, we went and 'discussed' it with our teachers.

teacher: it might rain this weekend so we think that eating the box lunches are the best choice.
me:... if it is so... (sad face) (look at wei jian)
wei jian: (even sadder face) teacher, this is our last time, we all have been looking forward to this event for so long...
teacher: (pitying us) let me ask around...
we: thank you!!!

well, the actually conversation was for about an hour, but the main point is we made ourselves look pathetic and the teachers fell for it. hehehe...
well we had the BBQ in the end without any cycling, and they ended up naming it the BBQ competition...
well, we had a lot of fun. and we got to know the tutors better, and here are a few photos of the event...
cooking the food
the food
the juniors tutors and us
me pushing sii lee of a cliff...
group photo

mother's day...

just read somebody's blog and he wrote about mothers day and how one of his friend's mom just passed away recently. is it just me or do japanese not celebrate today? well, i have been doing a lot of thinking recently.
one of my thoughts, well is about my mom... i remember so well the times i relied on her for every single thing i needed. they (my family) sent me a few pictures of them and me together last year, so i wouldn't miss them. in one pic, i was sleeping on her lap, and she and i were both smiling. i really, clearly, crisply remember that feeling, the feeling that even when the world crumbles around me, they and she will always shield me. at that time, i was having a difficult break up with my girlfriend(?). and mom knew every inch of pain that i felt, and that made me stronger, for her i'll live and break through anything, that's what i always say to myself when i come to a high wall.
and for this past year, i feel like i'm reaching out but there is nothing to grasp or hold on to, because, she isn't here with me and neither are they. i think i've become more better looking, more intelligent and all, but, i still feel this gaping hole in my heart, that i've nothing. i have very little solace here except my seniors and juniors, which i really thank. i feel very empty these days, wonder if the people around me realize that... i miss my family too much i guess...
i've done a lot of growing in this past three years, change from a brat to a man, started viewing life differently. but like my mom always used to tell me when she was pampering me, 'no matter how much you grow up, you'll always be my little baby', guess that even though i ain't so little anymore, i'm still her baby...

at dawn,
wake to her smile,
listen to her chatter,
eat her love filled meal...

at dusk,
my hand she holds,
my way she guides,
always showing the right way,

if i had a world to trade,
i'll still have nothing to compare to your love,
but if i had a few words to give you,
i'd say i love you again and again...

my mom, i wonder when i can eat her food again, wonder when i can listen to her stories again, and i wonder when i can lay down on her lap again. and smile like everything is good, and nothing else matters, even if for just that few minutes...

golden week, to vie and tire...

it was a tiring week for me, and i don't think i'm gonna get any rest for the next few weeks too either. basically since our seniors took us to golden week last year, i guessed we had no other choice but to take our juniors to tokyo too, and i thought it was going to be boring...
but i have never been any more wrong than that in my life, to see my batchmates again, i think i'd travel up and down at least another ten times. i felt like crying everyday i woke up during that 4 days because i knew we were a step closer from separating again. i nearly cried so many times, but i guess i was to 'manly' to cry... i don't want to drag my emotions on cause i think many people already think i'm too emo... but i want to say this, i really miss all of you my friends... i love you all...
and to my batchmates that read this, i want to say one thing, i enjoyed our hokkaido trip, a lot. there was a few parts that i didn't like, but obviously that happens when you travel and you are tired. some kohais said i said that i didn't like the trip, the truth is that they asked me how was hokkaido and i said this, 'the time we went was a little bit wrong, some flowers, fruits and foods where not in season and we couldn't see them.' i hope none of you get the wrong idea.

of times and days you don't feel like doing anything...

yesterday was a holiday, and we had our hostel sports festival. two events, volleyball and badminton. i didn't want to take part in volleyball but my friend came up to me and said 'we are short of one person, won't you join us?' and i couldn't find it in my heart to reject his offer. truth is i like to play volleyball, just not in that particular team, cause there is this one irritating girl who think she is so good (well to a certain extent she is good but...) and likes to look down on me, or so i think. well i just don't like the pressure i get when i play with her, cause she always wants to win. well... we won two and lost two in the end, quite a 'bad' results for us, because we were supposed to be so 'strong' with me in front... and her blabbering away... i hate her...
badminton on the other hand, my team name, yes, MY team's name was 'foreign student team + one japanese' the name gives us away right? hahaha... we were tipped to win since a vietnamese junior and i were on our side, and all the others on our team were also not half as bad in fact, i think they were on par with me. i was named captain, i don't know how, and i couldn't prevent a giggle from getting loose during the first round match when taufik (my batch mate) yelled 'our captain is so cool!!!' well my first match was against a guy and a girl, the girl, two years my junior, pissed me of during the week in an 'incident'. i just realized i'm starting to hate girls... but hell, i don't care... well, but the point is, i didn't want to let my team down, so i was a bit serious, and i had this part of me were i don't smash girls, so i was smashing the guy and after about 5 points, i felt pity for the guy... hehehe, his face was like, please don't humiliate me in front of this girl, but after 10 points, i started letting up and let them get a few points. the next few matches were quite lame too, in the end i looked like a really serious coach when i was giving orders to the other teams and going 'nice shot', 'don't mind'. well at the end of the day, i felt kind of useless for taking advantage of all the weaklings... Wuhahahahaha.... ya we won the badminton thing, but wasn't too happy, cause we knew we'd win...
what we won, 500 yen coupons for the koperasi
the proof of winning

stUck IN tHe miDDle...

not exactly stuck, just in the middle i guess. time flies, i really get the meaning nowadays, i still remember when i was speeding down highways with my friends and haunting the cyber cafes until the wee hours of the morning, never once in those times i've thought i'd be separated from my friends and family, not once. now it's been a whole year and i've barely been able to spend anytime with my family and high school friends.
but in contrast, i've gained quite a lot of new friends and i've gained a lot more of new experiences. i started to realize how young and raw i am compared to this world, and i've come to point where i want to face these challenges rather hide behind others.
with my new juniors here, and me becoming head for foreign students in the dormitory, i guess i'm trying to prove myself, prove myself to myself not others anymore.

For only if you believe,
only can others start believing,
never ever doubt yourself,
for everybody else will,

For only if you run,
only can others start walking,
if you stay stuck,
you will be left,

For in our own lives,
only we make our choices,
let's make right ones,
let's make a difference.

celebrating alan's birhtday + celebrating new kohais arrival
don't they look alike?
vietnam guys... (you'll have trouble understanding what they are trying to say)
wan ying and her kohai(pui san) wore the same shirt... ahhh... so sweet...

a holiday i remember...

well... time i wrote something before people start shouting at me again...
i spent my spring holidays at my sweet home in malaysia. i can't remember feeling as relaxed and as calm as i felt last month. amma (mother) cooked and cleaned my every single thing, i didn't have a chore left to do, and God bless her, because she doesn't know the truth that i can only be lazy there. appa (father) took care of everything else for me, the best part was when he thought me how to cut a chicken and how to make yogurt (the successful and unsuccessful way). God i had a fun time with my dog, Shiro too, damn i miss him. he always throws tantrums and plays with us roughly, but i know in his heart, he loves us all, especially my elder brother. akka (elder sister) spent us much time as she could with me, i know right now she is still thinking that she should have spent more time with me, but i know how hard it is for her right now, and i wish her all the best, because i can't be there to be with her right now. anna (elder brother) he is the greatest, one person that i admire, he canceled all his appointments with his friends just to be with me. i now sleeping in the same room as him when i was there gave him some comfort that he can still look after his younger brothers. mayu oh mayu, my dear little brother, i hope you are studying well, and i hope you are not giving them trouble.
to all my friends out there, i know, i didn't come and see all of you as much as i could, i wanted too, but one month is never enough to come and see all of you. i miss all of you very much and i'm not even sure whether i'll even get to see some of you all again.
it frightens me at times when i turn back and look, i don't recognize the old me anymore, i want more and more now, it almost feels like a lust which can never satiated... well, for now... i don't want to write about that...
my house!!!
my dog!!!
my mom!!!

oops... i did it again...

i played with your mind... and i did not update my blog... i'm not that innocent...
well i tried my best...
there is a very simple reason why i didn't not update my blog, the internet in malaysia is slow... it's so simple, so for the past one month during my spring break, i have been spending quality time with my family. i feel a little sorry cause i couldn't meet all the friends i wanted to, i miss many of them dearly, but the 'damage' done to me by staying here in japan too long is that i treasure my family more and i had to spend as much time with them as i possibly could.
today is the first day of school, i really am not quite sure what is going to happen but i hope i get of on the right foot. i don't really want any extra responsibility than i already have right now. i'm actually looking forward to classes and all this year, i want to do my best this time around and hope it will help me get into a good university. my next post will be later this weekend... will try to get some photos uploaded by this saturday. i promise!!!

hmm...

tomorrow is the first official day of my exam, haven't studied for tomorrow's exam yet, not confident about it some more... don't know what i'm doing, but don't worry, i'll be fine. i've been having this weird dreams recently, i wake up in my sleep and do all kinds of weird things, i go to school, but the way people treat me, look at me, everything feels different, nothing is funny though, it just feels like another passing by until i suddenly realize that, that isn't me, and when i look into a mirror, i see myself, the same me, but with a different smile, and i'm trapped, i can't wake up even though i know i'm asleep, and as i struggle within, i feel weird, i see his eyes, even though everyone treats him kindly, more kind than they would treat the normal me, he feels sad, and i stop struggling and gaze into his eyes...
the eyes where nothing exists, no purpose, no feelings,
the eyes of mine which i am more afraid to face than anyone else...

i realized in those eyes, were my own deepest fears, no reason, that's what i fear most, to be alive but not have a reason to be alive... it's the worst feeling i can ever have, i know i'm thinking too much recently, since i really miss home, and i just want to go back. but, this time around, i need to find a lot of answers, to questions that i'm asking myself sub-consciously. i used to be a coward, but not anymore..... live by your own words, and live for yourself... don't hide behind others...

farewell

it's not that i want to leave you behind,
it's just that i have to leave you behind,
it's not that i don't want you,
it's just that i can't have you...

in a time where all i want is for your eyes to fall on me,
it doesn't,
in a time when all i think of is your smiling smiling face,
it hurts...

let me go, i know that you may still be here,
let myself go, i know that i may still be here,
here in a moment caught between now and then,
not knowing if i should hold on or let go...

fare well my love, farewell,
we might meet again someday, if fate says so,
but for now, i've got to leave you and go,
i know it might not matter to you, but it does to me,
and for all the times i've hurt you, i'll say sorry,
and for all the times you've hurt me, i'll try forgetting,
but for now,
fare well my love, farewell... for now...

it might have been a short acquaintance,
but i remember ever detail of you,
how you laugh and the way you stare blankly into air,
while you think of everything but me,

i know i'm just a shadow in your life,
nothing important but just always there,
it might be hard for me to grasp the reality that i don't matter to you,
but it matters to me, it matters to me....

fare well my love, farewell,
we might meet again someday, if fate says so,
but for now, i've got to leave you and go,
i know it might not matter to you, but it does to me,
and for all the times i've hurt you, i'll say sorry,
and for all the times you've hurt me, i'll try forgetting,
but for now,
fare well my love, farewell... for now...


ps: this is about a japanese girl who probably doesn't give a crap that i exist but some how i keep thinking of her and it is starting to get on my mind, so i just wrote a song (and blew it out of proportions) so i can focus on studying for my exams... v^.^v
plus a silly photo!

Ichigo time!!!

you know, when you are single and valentine day dawns and you feel like crap? think so... wrong! i and three of my seniors went to a strawberry farm last saturday, and bought ourselves 30 minutes of all you can eat strawberries... at first i was skeptical, cause i never have eaten a sweet strawberry in my life... but i promise you, the strawberries here are super big and super sweet. we picked ichigo-gari, which meant pick and eat in the farm itself, so freshness was at it's best and pesticide was probably not used in the vinyl houses... well this past few posts, i've been writing too much, so, i'm gonna let pictures do the talking for me this time...

Hiroshima... (about the atomic explosion museum)

--First let me begin with the explanation of the museum we went to on the first day of our visit to Hiroshima. The Nuclear Explosion Dome Museum it's direct Japanese translation is located in the middle of a large park (the Peace Park) erected in the memory of that fateful day. A mere 50 yen (RM 2) is charged as an entrance fee. Upon entering the first part of the museum, a 3 minute video introduction is played. A rough idea on what happened in Hiroshima is explained to those who are not familiar with the incident. Pre-world war 2 posters are hung in a gallery form explaining the beginning of the Pacific war (including the invasion of Manchuria and Russia). Then history and creation of the atomic bomb is shown in these posters too. The reasons why Hiroshima was chosen as the target for the bomb is also explained in minute detail through letters sent and received by generals and presidents. A scale model of before and after the bombing is what follows next. After this you continue to the second floor where a recorded of Hiroshima's city history chronologically is written down. This is followed about the present situation of the world and countries still possessing nuclear weapons and efforts to stop nuclear warfare. As you try to absorb in the enormous amount of information you have been feed, you have a chance for a breather when you look at the souvenirs and pass through a sky bridge with breath-taking views of the park be low which connects the two parts of the museum together. The last part of this museum, the more gruesome part is the story of the victims and things left behind by these people.
--The first thing I realized when i entered this museum is that I knew a lot about what happened and I wanted to deepen my knowledge in what happen during that time. The first thing that caught my attention was the fact why Kyoto was not chosen as a site for the bombing, because it was to serve as the post-war capital for Japan according to American forecasts. I always thought that Hiroshima and Nagasaki was chosen because of the military facilities or power plants located in the area, but the truth is I was very wrong, Hiroshima was chosen based on its size and population as key properties. The atomic bomb, to the Americans at the time was to be used as a means to justify research costs and be shown to the world as a destructive force. Therefore, we could say that Hiroshima was more of a place to display the power of the atomic bomb at it's max capacity. The part that made me sad was the part where Hiroshima was never air-raided to lower the guard of the Hiroshima town's people. It was saddening that when the bomb exploded the air-raid sirens had just stopped signaling to people that it was safe to go out. The time, 815 am, was the worst time to be possibly chosen since, it was the commuting time for most people.
--The bomb exploded 600 meters above ground, instantaneously creating a massive fireball the melted even stones. To think that pouring hot water on yourself, 100 degrees Celsius is unimaginable, imagine 2000 degrees rock melting temperatures, you literally melt and disappear. A 3 kilometer radius of the fireball was reduced to nothing. 90% of buildings collapsed and crushed or trapped people inside. The shock-wave created sent glass in every direction, concrete walls where penetrated with glass, imagine what it could do to people. The infamous shadows are left where people stood because the rocks (concrete) turned white when contacted with direct heat but when humans or animals were around, their bodies shield the rock from heat thus leaving a shadow. On the second floor where most Japanese people cried, was the fate of those who suffered the effects of nuclear fallout, or better known as radiation, listed in the chronological events list. The Americans studied these people to find out the long term effects of radiation without treating them for any illnesses, until this day though, there is no concrete result to show what exactly happens to those victims. The Japanese government started to pay for the cost of treatment for these people (the official atomic bomb radiation victims only), to me, a small burden lifted of the shoulders of the suffering people. In the following section, a lot of interesting facts of talk on how to abolish nuclear weapons and hindrances faced. America again, is the top of the list with most nuclear weapons, and with all talks of banning nuclear testing, sub-critical nuclear bombs are still being tested and countries like America and Russia who hold enough information on nuclear explosions can find the answers they need from these sub-critical explosions based on the data they already have from previous nuclear explosions. So, inadvertently there is nothing being done now, or able to be done against the stock piling of nuclear armaments. I feel it funny though, that we can still sleep at night not knowing if a rain of nuclear missiles are going to fall from the sky onto us.
--In the last part of this museum, the untold story of many victims are held in the item that once used to be theirs. Clothes, mostly of school children lay in this museum. Lunch boxes, watches, shirts, pants, and all kinds of things were left behind. Most people in this section ignore the stories written down and ignore the black marks and darkened blood on these clothes. One story read about how a girl died in the clothes she sewed herself, a summer uniform, what she had been looking forward to, to run around and play in her clothes, yet... Most children according to the stories died at their parents side. Something that makes me cry even right now, to watch your own child die, is worse then having your skin ripped from you alive. One father whose 3 year-old son died while riding his tricycle, was so grieve-stricken that he refused to bury his son alone, he buried his son's tricycle and helmet with him, saying that he is too young to be without it. My heart has never been broken into so many pieces before, all my words cannot explain the grief i felt when i read about this father.
--There are countless other stories, many which will be left untold for a long long time to come and remain buried in a lost history. I would like to reiterate the fact that in no war there is right, and therefore, there is also no wrong. During war, people do what is needed best to benefit the country that they live in. To me, the atomic bomb was the sign of the end of the war. People may blame Russia, or America for the fate of Japan, but truth be known that if the Axis had that power (people should realize that Germany was also in development of nuclear arms at that time), they would have used it too. In no ways am I saying that I'm not disgusted by the choices made during that time, and in no way am I trying to justify anyone, we should realize the fact that, when war breaks out, everyone will only stand for themselves, and we should respect to a certain extent, the choices made by those people back then, because trust me that it was hard for them too. We should realize the atrocities of war, the fate of people who suffered and die in the worst conditions we can imagine. One family, a sister and a brother (in their 20s) rummaged through the remains of the house where 3 cousins, their grandparents, aunt, and mother was in during the explosion, the house close to the epicenter of the blast, was almost vaporized. Yet they found a small ceramic bowl which they used to eat with when they were young, their grandchild donated the bowl to the museum. Most people would be sadden by the fact of their loss, but look deeper and you'd find the hope they found in that bowl, the house was totally destroyed yet, the bowl was untouched, and their grandson is still alive, which means they fought to live on, from the rubles of a city and from the rubles of hearts, they, all the citizens of Hiroshima built a new world from dust.

for in our hearts,
lies a shrine indestructible,
the strength called hope,

for in our hearts,
lies a light unending,
the power called love,

for in our hearts,
lies a place serenely,
a place called home,

for in every heart,
hope gives us power,
love gives us warmth,
thus from ashes we can rise again...

horrors we never want to see again
marks seared onto skin based on clothes designs...
the story of a tricycle...
not everything is so bad...

Like a famous writer once wrote in the memory books 'less talk more action...'

Thinking of you...

looking back every time,
i see you there,
you were always there,
in my darkest hours,
in my brightest days,
always with a smile,
never frowning at me,
my every simple whim,
was happiness to you,
i miss you so,
and i realize now,
the depth of love,
cause my love is,
forever and ever now,
i know now that,
you are my everything,
and there is nothing,
in this small world,
i'd exchange you with...

thinking of you...

thinking of you here,
calamity in my calmness,
terror in my tranquility,
sickness in my soul...
all this means nothing,
for cure is you,
and you are here,
always in my heart...
nothing is more important,
than your warm hands,
than you soothing words,
than your smiling face...

you are my family and my friends, i miss you all, and i can't wait to see you all again in malaysia, hope this one month flies by, so i can be with you all again.
dedicated to my mother, i know it stinks >.< since i wrote it spontaneously, but i got my feelings out, so i don't care... hehehe

emotion...

wait!!! before you read this, i'm gonna warn you that is totally crap and you will not like it if you are not an emotional type of person... please read only if you have time to waste...

you've been warned...

ever felt like you give yourself away in parts? i don't know if anyone realizes it yet, but i often make presents and write poems with the power i have, often spending hours and hours, i know it often looks and sounds childish, but no one has ever asked me why i do it still... the truth is i feel like i'm giving a part of myself away, and i feel when a person who loves me comes along, she'd realize it too and love me back... i've gone over this process a million times, giving every girl i liked (even if just a bit...) a present of some kind... but so far, seriously no one understood it's significance, until now that is. a girl gave me back a postcard with her drawing on it, and a shy letter (considering the fact she is a tomboy-type girl). and for once in my life my heart started to race, and i felt happy, i felt that i could relate to her feelings and she could mine...
but just when things started to go my way, i backed away, i felt lacking, i felt that i wasn't good enough, she wasn't the prettiest girl with the pettiest wishes but... i don't know, i just let her go. and i realized all my life i've been like this, i try my best not to get close to the people i love, cause i know, that when you are close enough, you are close enough to hurt them. i knew that for a fact when i got tangled with a girl last year, i won't lie and say i don't miss her at all, but i hope she is happy without me. the reason i've been able to let go is because the other people around me treasure me and take too good care of me, my family especially. i know no matter what happens to me, i'll always have a home to go back to, no matter the circumstances, and i've become a person that wants to care too, because everyone seems to take care of me, and i'm too afraid of hurting anybody anymore.
i rather she hate me now than love me, cause i know my love is lacking right now, i hope she does well. i hope i can always be her friend because i'd hate to lose her more than anything else right now,i know i sound stupid and most people are going to say, just tell her, what's the worst thing that could happen, well the worst thing that can happen is that we both could lose our friendship, which i rather not lose than confess my dumb feelings to her. seriously, anyhow, i'd find it hard for anyone let alone a japanese girl to every like me.
well, that's the end of the 'sad part'.
i know i tend to think too much, and i know that most people's advice is not to worry too much. the thing is i'm not worried at all, maybe not at all, but mostly i'm not worried. i don't mind being a little lonely at times, and to me, giving a bit of my happiness away is giving it to someone else to enjoy, which i still think is a good bargain. for this girl, she is going to work once she graduates from here, i actually think she should continue with her degree, but i don't know enough about her to ever be able to convince her that, that is my only regret since she is kind of smart to me. thinking of her smile and remembering how she laughs is a kind of relaxant to me, it makes me feel calm knowing that she is happy right now (remember i still don't believe that there is a person in this world that will like me for who i am). seeing her postcard, makes me realize that, it ain't to bad to be me and make others happy. and thanks to her, for now, i can still go on being me...

and to those people who read until here who are confused and don't understand anything that i said... i warned you... hahaha...

i love her handwriting, and could admire it for hours...
her picture, it may look stupid to most people, but to me, it depicts her perfectly

a year ends...

i was wanting to post this for so many weeks already, put never had the time nor heart to write it...
in one short year i feel i've grown so much that most people wouldn't recognize me anymore. i know i sound like i'm exaggerating but it's true, i found, lost then fond love again. i've come to know what existences are, what friends are for, what life is about. all my life i've tried to sacrifice myself so others can live happily, but in the last year, i learned that some people just want to see you die so they can live. i'm not proud to say it, but i learned how to be a bit more selfish. for once in my life, i really feel like living just for the fun of living. when i sit down now, i don't need to think much anymore, cause i know a lot more already.
to me, this year is my year of destiny, my time to change and move past the cocoon i was in and become a butterfly. this year, i'll be able to accept myself for who i am, and not what i'm supposed to be... since some people were complaining about how much words there are on this blog, i'll try to minimize it...i found new friends and people who love me for who i am, and i know they're missing me even right now, cause i miss them...i left my dear friends and family behind to start a new life, far from where and what i was, and full of uncertainty...my seniors weren't my seniors, they are more like my brothers and sisters, and i'm so blessed to have them here with me, wan ying, sii lee, wei jian, chiang shen and all, i really love you all... and thanks for everything and all things to come...met my old friends and felt their importance to me... found new ways to waste money...started to realize i still can have fun even though there were things in my past that can't be corrected...
found people who i like and like me for being me...saw snow for the first time...
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like a wild flower, sometimes there are weeds around us that we can't do anything about, but we still bloom, for because only we know and can show others how beautiful we are...
let's have a great new year to come... wish peace will come, cause like the saying goes, the night is darkest just before dawn, let us pray that evil will die from our hearts and our Gods gives us peace... live and let live...